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Self-Study Guide

Conquering Your Fearof Speaking in Public



2005-2010, Velsoft Training Materials Inc.

Conquering Your Fear of Speaking in Public

Self-Study Guide




Copyright

All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyrightagreements. No part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,recording, or otherwise without the prior written permission of Velsoft Training MaterialsInc.




How to Use This Guide

This Self-Study Guide is designed and laid out in a way that will guide student learning

much in the same way that an instructor would. This workbook is comprised of modulescalled Sessions. Each Session focuses on a major concept in the course.

In each Session, we have included short-answer and (in some instances) multiple choicequestions which relate directly to the Session material. Throughout the guide, you can

take the opportunity to internalize what you have learned by completing the self-

reflection exercises entitled ―Making Connections.‖




Table of Contents

Session One: Course Overview ...................................................................................................................... 1 Learning Objectives .............................................................................................................................. 1 Pre-Assignment ..................................................................................................................................... 2

Session Two: Good Communication Skills .................................................................................................... 3

Exercise: Defining Communication ...................................................................................................... 3 Making Connections ............................................................................................................................. 6

Session Three: Interpersonal Skills ................................................................................................................ 7 Listening ............................................................................................................................................... 7 Making Connections ............................................................................................................................. 8 Asking Questions .................................................................................................................................10

Session Four: Self-Disclosure .......................................................................................................................11 What is Self-Disclosure? ......................................................................................................................11 Making Connections ............................................................................................................................15

Session Five: The Art of Conversation .......... .......... ........... .......... ........... .......... ........... .......... ........... .......... ..16 The Four Levels ...................................................................................................................................16 Level One: Small Talk (Exercise) ........................................................................................................17 Level Two: Fact Disclosure .................................................................................................................17 Level Three: Viewpoints and Opinions ...............................................................................................18 Level Four: Personal Feelings .......... ........... .......... ........... .......... ........... .......... ........... .......... ........... .....18 Making Connections ............................................................................................................................19

Session Six: Practicing Dialogue ...................................................................................................................20 Session Seven: Redesigning Yourself for Strength .......................................................................................21

Making Connections ............................................................................................................................23 Using Your Voice ................................................................................................................................24

Session Eight: Professionalism ......................................................................................................................27 Making Connections ............................................................................................................................29

Session Nine: Maximizing Meetings .............................................................................................................31 Four Areas of Opportunity ...................................................................................................................31 Making Connections ............................................................................................................................32

Session Ten: Sticky Situations ......................................................................................................................36 Making Connections ............................................................................................................................36 Session Eleven: Controlling Nervousness .....................................................................................................38 Making Connections ............................................................................................................................39

Session Twelve: Tell Me a Story .......... ........... .......... ........... .......... ........... .......... .......... ........... .......... ...........40 Making Connections ............................................................................................................................40

Session Thirteen: A Personal Action Plan .....................................................................................................42 Starting Point .......................................................................................................................................42 Short-Term Goals and Rewards ...........................................................................................................43 Long-Term Goals .................................................................................................................................43

Summary .......................................................................................................................................................44 Recommended Reading List ..........................................................................................................................45



Conquering Your Fear of Speaking in Public |


1

Session One: Course Overview

Do you get nervous when presenting at company meetings? Do you find it hard to make

conversation at gatherings and social events? Do you lock up in awkward socialsituations? This course has been designed for anyone wanting to improve their speaking

skills in formal and informal situations.

In this course, you will learn strategies to gain confidence in your public speaking skills.

The exercises and the information you find in this course have been written to allow youto relate your knowledge to your professional position.

Learning Objectives

Throughout this course our focus is to provide you with information to:

Enhance your ability to speak one-on-one with others.

Feel more confident speaking socially or in small groups, such as meetings.

Practice developing these skills in a safe and supportive setting.

Please take this opportunity to consider your personal learning objectives andreasons for taking this course.





2

Pre-Assignment

What opportunities for developing communication with others have you avoided inthe last three weeks, due to your fear of speaking?

How do we get to be better communicators?





3

Session Two: Good Communication Skills

We communicate with other people every day, in a variety of environments and social

contexts. However, rarely do we make our communications with others a topic of investigation or study.

In this session, we begin by reviewing the foundational concepts and characteristics of

communication. As you continue through the course, you will learn that good

communication requires a desire for personal development.

Exercise: Defining Communication

To gain an idea of the knowledge you already have about communication, use thespace below to define the concepts and terms involved in the subject of “communications”.

An example might be:

Sending messages that others understand, whether we send them by speaking,

writing, or by our body language.





4

Provide reasons why you believe it is import to develop effective communicationskills (both for your personal and professional relationships).

We have included the following reasons.

The opportunity to:

Express your opinion

Change the course of a project

Seem more knowledgeable

Be more apt to be promoted

Express emotions in positive ways.





5

Making Powerful Presentations

To make powerful, impressive, and lasting presentations, start from within.

Talk to yourself. Clarify the message in your own mind before you trycommunicating it to someone else.

Rehearse a little bit. Nothing clarifies your thoughts more than writing themdown.

Be very aware of the messages or inner tapes you are playing to yourself. Don’tsabotage yourself by giving yourself negative messages about your ability to

communicate, or about how the other person will take your message.

Most of us are way too hard on ourselves. Plan what you will say and then beoptimistic it will come out right and be received well.

Who is stopping you from being self-confident and self-reliant right now? I’m notstopping you. Nobody is stopping you but yourself.

When you speak to individuals, take the time to express yourself in an organizedmanner. Don’t rush.

Clarify. Ask for feedback. Do not assume that the message sent was the messagereceived.

Know when to stop talking.

Group Presentations

When presenting to a group, make sure you:

Have a message worth communicating

Gain the listener’s attention

Emphasize understanding Get feedback

Watch your emotional tone

Persuade them to adopt your point of view or take the action you want them totake





7

Session Three: Interpersonal Skills

Since we are in constant communication with others around us, it is important to develop

positive, interpersonal relationships with them. Doing so depends on your ability tounderstand others; to make an honest attempt at listening.

In this session, we discuss the two most important activities of good communicating:

listening and asking questions.

Listening

Much of the communication that occurs between people is one-way, without either party

truly hearing the other or accurately understanding what was said. In fact, if you think about it, modern culture often teaches us to avoid two-way communication because it is

too personal and imposing.

The cost of not listening is very high. Lives have been lost and countless unnecessary

dollars spent, just because somebody didn’t listen.

The good news is, though, that we can all learn to be better listeners. Researchers haveidentified two types of listening:

Passive Listening: We hear the sounds but we aren’t necessarily using our mentalskills to hear and understand what is being said.

Active Listening: We make a conscious effort to hear and understand themessage.





8

Three Steps to Active Listening

There are three steps you can take to listen actively:

Non-verbal cues, such as eye contact, leaning toward the speaker, and an alert

expression on your face. Short verbal cues, such as ―Uh-huh,‖ ―Yes,‖ ―I understand,‖ etc.

Feedback: Where the listener summarizes, clarifies, or asks questions.

Getting ready to listen means becoming prepared psychologically. It is like thinking,

―OK, another person is taking a turn and I must get ready to listen.‖ It is important in agroup that every member finds a useful way to listen.

Making Connections

Your Listening Skills

Do you think you are a good listener? How do you think the information presentedhere will help you when you return to your daily routine?

Your answers may include:

Not talking

Taking notes

Giving your full attention to the other person

Turning off the TV or turning away from your computer





9

Why Don’t People Listen?

Research has indicated some major reasons why people do not listen. Let’s take a look atthe problems and some possible solutions.

The listener has decided in advance that the speaker or the subject will beuninteresting.This predisposes the listener to tune out. Instead, tell yourself you will make a real effort

to learn something new during the conversation.

The listener is distracted when someone is speaking.Choose an area without distractions. Refuse to be distracted.

The listener didn’t adjust to what the speaker was saying. For example, you weretalking about the weather, but the topic has now shifted to what the speaker did on

vacation.This requires some mental agility. You could ask the speaker to slow down and give you

time to shift gears.

The listener took too many notes.Rather than copy down every word, just note key points.

The listener felt that what was being said was too difficult to understand so theytuned out.The listener should ask questions to clarify, or ask the speaker to illustrate the point. The

speaker can also watch for non-verbal cues that the listener is getting confused and adapt

their language to help communication.

The listener got sidetracked by certain words or expressions the other person used.Let’s say the speaker used the word ―refugee‖ to refer to the people made homeless by

Hurricane Katrina. You prefer the word ―victim.‖ This may be important to you, but trynot to raise this point until the speaker has had opportunity to complete their thoughts.

The listener jumped in too soon to relate their own ideas or experience.Be patient. Listen. Give the other person their turn. Then present your ideas or

experiences, if appropriate.

The listener listened only for the facts and didn’t pay attention to body language.This is all about increasing your awareness of those around you and how they are

reacting emotionally to what is being said. Learn more about body language to help you.

The listener was daydreaming.Self-discipline is required. Bring yourself back mentally by internally saying ―stop.‖Remember to make eye contact.





1

Asking Questions

Get in the habit of asking good questions to clarify what has been said. We can do this byparaphrasing (―Are you saying…?‖) or by asking other questions such as, ―Do you

mean…?‖

Other open questions that can gather more information include:

What do you think we can do about this?

What would you like me to stop doing?

Would it be helpful if I…?

Supposing we were to…?

Help me understand where you’re coming from.

Let’s set a time when we can talk about the changes we’re both prepared to make.

I’m prepared to… Would that ease the situation?





1

The Johari Concepts

Joe Luft and Harry Ingraham developed the Johari Windows concept. This concept is a

way of looking at our self-awareness and our ability to ask feedback of others.

The window illustrates their point that there are certain things you know about yourself

and certain things that you don’t know. Similarly, there are certain things others know

about you (that you may or may not know) and there are certain things they don’t know.

They make the assumption that it takes energy to hide information from yourself and

others, and that the more information is known, the better and clearer communication willbe.

Building Relationships

Building a relationship often involves working to expand your open/free or ―known toself and others‖ window, while decreasing your blind and hidden areas.

As you become more self-disclosing, you reduce your hidden area, and give other peoplemore information to react to, thus reducing your blind area.

As you encourage others to be more self-disclosing with you, your blind area is furtherreduced. As you reduce your blind area you increase self-awareness and this helps you to

be even more self-disclosing with others.

The Johari Windows concept has been taken further in its application. The degree of trust

and respect a person shows results in a style of human relations that has beencharacterized by a turtle, an owl, a bull in the china shop, and a picture window.

The names of these styles of people and relationships are quite indicative of how theyoperate.

Open

1

Partially Open

2

Partially Open

3

Hidden

4

Known to Others Not Known to Others

Known to Oneself

Not Known to

Oneself





1

A Turtle: Low Trust and Low Respect

This type of person is reluctant to express ideas or feelings to others, and equally

reluctant to listen to others. Whether meaning to or not, the turtle communicates low trust

in the motives of others and low respect for their opinions. The result is a large region of the unknown. Misunderstandings, frustration, untapped creativity, and unsolved problems

lie in this region.

People who have turtle relationships find them cold, impersonal, and unsatisfying. Just aspartners may experience turtle relationships, so may whole groups. Turtle relationships

may exist between work groups, between management and employees, or between an

organization and its public. Such communities are characterized by low morale and poor

performance.

Turtle relationships can be improved if people are willing to listen to the ideas and

feelings of others and are willing to openly express their own ideas and feelings. One canstart this process, but it takes two to improve a turtle relationship. Someone must initiate

and the other must respond.

An Owl: High Respect and Low Trust

The owl style of human relations is better than the turtle because respect is shown toward

the opinions of others. The owl gives time and attention, thus showing concern for ideasand feelings. However, when someone listens but does not share ideas and feelings in

return, a façade develops with two corresponding drawbacks: an impression of role

playing and insincerity and the suppression of conflict, with a resulting decrease in

creativity and problem-solving potential.

The owl avoids self-expression and relies too much on listening. Ultimately this is not

satisfying for either partner because the relationship is one-sided. The solution is todemonstrate trust in others by becoming more self-expressive.

It takes two to improve an owl relationship. The owl gradually must become more open.This takes time, because change can be difficult to accept and dealing in honest self-

expression and confrontation can be threatening. As well, the owl’s partner must showrespect by listening as ideas, hopes, goals, and feelings are shared.





1

A Bull in the China Shop: High Trust and Low Respect

The bull in the china shop is, like the owl, one-dimensional. The good part is the bull is

open and honest with feelings and ideas. Whether they are right or wrong, popular or not,

you always know where bulls stand. By open self-expression the bull says, ―I trust youand believe you will not use what I say to hurt me.‖ This is the good part. The bad part isthe enormous blind spot the bull creates by not listening to others. Perhaps

unintentionally, the bull is demonstrating that other people’s feelings and ideas are

unimportant.

Whether the bull in the china shop style develops as a result of ego striving, natural

aggressiveness, or actual superiority, it is often destructive in human relationships. The

blind spot typically contains negative data — the frustration, anger, and resentment of others — that may one day erupt. Negative feelings could also be turned inward and result

in low self-esteem for the bull’s partner and friends.

The solution is for the bull in a china shop to become a better listener. The bull must

come to realize that others want to express themselves too. People who rarely ask for

others’ opinions or listen to their problems have a bull in the china shop style of humanrelations and they have a large blind spot. By listening, they can reduce this blind spot

and improve the quality of their relationships at work and at home.

A Picture Window: High Trust and High Respect

The most effective style of human relations is characterized by dialogue and it is

symbolized by the picture window. With this style, people show mutual respect as each

listens to the ideas and feelings of others, and they demonstrate interpersonal trust asideas are shared openly and honestly.

The region of the known is the dominant feature of picture window relationships. Whatgoes on in this area is candid discussion and free-flowing ideas about issues, events, and

experiences. By no means is dialogue tame. Indeed diverse points of view and values

sometimes clash. Conflict is viewed positively, however, as all parties recognize that theyare not identical twins, that disagreement is natural, and that out of diversity can come

increased creativity and satisfaction.

Picture window relations are characteristic of true feelings of community. They develop

common ground between you and other members of the group.





1

Making Connections

Who Are You?

The Johari windows give us an excellent perspective about the different types of peoplein this world. We all have unique characteristics and qualities that form our personality.

Take a few moments to explain and summarize the concepts you have learned in thissession about the Johari Windows.

Now, use the space below to explain how one of the Johari Windows is related to thecharacteristics of your personality, and experiences with others.





1

Session Five: The Art of Conversation

How much information about yourself do you reveal to others? One way of overcoming

your fears of speaking to others, is to identify your comfort level of sharing informationabout yourself. Becoming aware of your conversational tendencies might prompt you to

make some changes.

In this session, you will review the various levels and stages of conversation with another

person, or a group. We recommend thinking of your own personal experiences as youread, to answer the Making Connections question.

The Four Levels

Getting comfortable conversing with others is one object of this exercise. Being

comfortable speaking with others in small social settings can have a big impact on both

your personal and your professional life. We are all more drawn to the person who looks

at ease and confident than we are the person who looks ill-at-ease and awkward.

At work, our first encounter with another person often begins with a handshake and a

smile, while looking right at the other person. So, f irst, let’s talk about eye contact. Thisis not staring at another person unblinkingly, but rather, looking at their face: eyes, nose,

and mouth triangle.





1

Level One: Small Talk (Exercise)

Small talk means a very superficial conversation about the weather, the traffic, currentevents, etc. While this may seem purposeless, it isn’t. This is our chance to size up

another person and decide whether you have something in common. You don’t know the

other person and you aren’t expected to reveal anything personal about yourself.

Can you identify a list of ten things we might use to make small talk?

Level Two: Fact Disclosure

Should the small talk phase go well, we are ready to move onto the second level of

communication with our conversational partner and reveal a few facts about ourselves:bits of information such as our occupation, our hobbies, or the types of activities we

enjoy. Now that you are revealing a bit more about yourselves you may find more you

have in common. There is give and take in this conversation as you ask and answerquestions with your partner.





1

Level Three: Viewpoints and Opinions

Generally people don’t move to this stage until they feel comfortable with one another

and believe they have found common ground when you disclosed facts in the secondlevel. In this level you go beyond that to give your opinion of whatever it is you’ve been

talking about.

Examples:

Skiing is an expensive hobby

Your dream is to ski in Jasper

You are counting the days to retirement

You are hoping to move to another job soon

You may even venture into such quagmires as politics or religion if you are feeling

comfortable enough to do that. The general rule is ―low and slow,‖ as in don’t reveal toomuch too soon. You may want to commiserate about the high cost of sending a child to

university today, but wait until you know the person better before you reveal that you

took out a second mortgage to send your son/daughter to university.

Level Four: Personal Feelings

This usually doesn’t come until you feel very comfortable with your conversational

partner. The surest way to get here is to not reveal too much too soon. An example of toomuch too soon might be telling someone all the details of a messy divorce just five

minutes into meeting them, or upon learning someone is of a different political party,launching into a condemnation of that party.

A successful conversation starts at level one and proceeds at a comfortable pace throughthe second and third levels and continues to the fourth level, although usually not during

your first meeting. With some people, you will find yourself moving easily through at

least the first three stages, if not to stage four. It usually takes a lot of conversations with

someone you feel very comfortable with before you progress to level four.





1

Making Connections

A True Conversationalist

Are you a true conversationalist? Do you get nervous when you need to have aconversation with someone? Some people can speak easily to others; they have no

problem keeping a smooth flow of dialogue. However, those who cringe with the

thoughts of conversation often have a different point of view.

Describe your experiences of speaking with others in conversation.

What are your fears?

What level of conversation are you most comfortable reaching?

What reasons might you have to change this about yourself?





2

Session Six: Practicing Dialogue

As you continue to learn more about the ways you can improve your public speaking

with others, you may be uncovering characteristics and knowledge about yourself whichyou never realized before.

In this session, we give you some brief ideas about dialogue with others. Taking an

opportunity to become of aware of how you relate to others is important for your personal

development as a public speaker.

Having Conversations

A conversation partner is often someone you don’t know very well, or they could be

someone you talk to everyday. A true conversationalist would make an attempt to beginwith small talk, and stay on this level until they gained cues to continue the conversation

in one direction or another. They can read the body language of another person, in orderfor the conversation to be a positive experience.

As two individuals interacting through conversation, you both have the ability to initiate

conversation and to find common interests and thoughts together. However, we mostlytend to stay at level two or perhaps level three.

Remembering to use your active listening skills, and to ask questions can turn you into atrue conversationalist. By practicing your conversation skills, you will gain confidence in

your abilities to speak with others.





2

Making Connections

Body Language

How do you know when someone is trying to tell you something, without actuallyspeaking the words?

Identify some ways we can take cues or gestures from others, even when we don’t

actually speak to, or hear one another.





2

Vocal Exercise: Sighing

This exercise will help you both relax and strengthen your voice. Follow the steps in the

order given to reach maximum benefit. Allow yourself about five minutes of

uninterrupted time, and repeat the steps three times throughout the day.

Inhale, taking in your usual amount of air.

Exhale slowly, sighing softly with the sound of the word ―sigh‖ stretched out as―s-i-g-h.‖

Keep the volume level the same as you exhale; then, make it softer and softer as

you exhale.

Vocal Exercise: The Diaphragmatic Breath

This exercise is crucial for increasing control of your vocal strength and quality. This is atype of breathing that is mastered by singers, musicians, dancers, and actors, and it is

equally useful for speaking on the telephone. Set aside five minutes for this exercise,three times a day.

Stand in front of a mirror or a partner so that you can see or get feedback on whatyou are doing.

Place your fingers lightly on your diaphragm, just beneath your rib cage aboveyour waistband. Feel the movement as you breathe.

Inhale slowly through your nose or mouth, directing the air to your diaphragm.You will feel the diaphragm move forward; your shoulders and upper chestshould not move at all.

Hold the inhaled air for three seconds.

Exhale slowly, counting to twenty by saying ―one one thousand, two one

thousand, three one thousand…‖ until you reach ―twenty one thousand.‖ Stop when your exhale becomes a strain.

If this is the first time you’ve tried this exercise, you probably won’t reach twentyin one breath. Repeat the exercise three times a day until you can reach twenty

comfortably.





2

The Food and Exercise Factor

Exercising and warming up your voice are not the only factors that can affect how your

voice sounds. Here are some dos and don’ts for maintaining a strong voice.

Avoid using dairy products like milk, cheese, butter, chocolate, or ice cream whenyou are going on the phone. They coat the vocal folds and can distort the qualityof your voice. They also often lead to congestion and the frequent need to clear

your throat.

Avoid beverages with caffeine like tea, coffee, hot chocolate, or soft drinks. Theycan contribute to tension in the vocal mechanism. Try room temperature water oreven hot water (like the temperature you would have for tea, but without the tea),

with or without a slice of lemon, to quench thirst and encourage good speaking

skills.

Avoid eating or drinking things that are either very hot or very cold. They caninterfere with flexibility and clear speech.

Avoid shouting, screaming, or straining your voice. These kinds of activities can

damage the vocal folds and lead to loss of strength and clear speech. Sit or stand comfortably and straight when you speak on the phone. That is the

best position to allow a clear flow of air and to permit good control and quality of your sound.

Aerobic walking for 15 to 20 minutes up to three times a week helps to strengthenyour voice and build muscle. Concentrate on breathing with your diaphragm for

the first five minutes of your walk.





2

Session Eight: Professionalism

It is not easy to define ―professionalism.‖ Professionalism is a complicated mix of

behavior, attitude, self-representation, and action. Those who demonstrateprofessionalism are able to subtly engage others around them without being pushy or

rude.

In this session, we review the qualities and characteristics of professionalism — as it

applies specifically to speaking with others in public.

Looking Professional (Exercise)

Dress the way you want to be perceived. Look like you care about what you are doing.

Dress comfortably and be proud of who you are.

Always appear as neat and clean as possible, with hair and fingernails that are clean and

neatly trimmed, and shoes that are clean and polished.

Look trim. Choose your clothes carefully. Be sure clothing fits properly. You won’t feel

good and you won’t look good if your clothes are too tight.

Don’t appear too fashion conscious and don’t spend a lot of money trying to keep up.Know the colors and styles that suit you, and stick to them.

What are other characteristics you associate with professionalism?

Your answers might include: Respecting confidentiality

Punctuality

Good grammar





2

Exercise: Creating Conversation

Where do you find topics of conversation that you can bring up at the next party oroffice get-together?

Where can you get some good conversational openers?

Wear a Smile

As important as what you say is how you say it. Wear a smile. It is always becoming to

your voice. Don’t attempt to make a derogatory remark under the guise of humor, and

don’t try to shock.

Lengthy emotional debates will not contribute to the gathering. Death, politics, religion,

illness, and children usually head the list of subjects to be avoided, but there are

exceptions to every rule.





2

No matter how hard you try, not all conversations can be made into engaging discussions.

Eventually even good conversations may come to an end. Tell the other person howmuch you have enjoyed speaking with them, and go on to meet other people.

If you go to meetings and gatherings alone, and you find yourself alone after you get

there, look for others who look similarly disengaged, join a group with an odd number of people, pass the cheese tray, or sample the buffet table.

Making Connections

Hosting an Event

It is useful to be prepared for situations when you might feel uncomfortable speaking

publically.

Develop some personal tips for the next time you feel awkward at an event. You will

focus on other people and less on yourself, thereby alleviating your discomfort.

Think of some ways to relax yourself and be prepared if you were hosting an event.





3

Speaking Professionally

When you need to speak in a professional manner, check yourself with these pointers:

Volume: Too loud or too soft?

Clichés: We all use a few clichés but avoid them if possible.

Grammar: Ask someone you trust, whose grammar is good, to give you somefeedback on your grammatical errors.

Diction: Pronounce words clearly, and watch that you aren’t dropping your ―-ings.‖

Slang or vulgarities: No swearing or crude words.

Gender references: Watch that you don’t refer to all people in authority as ―he‖or all those in service positions as ―she.‖

Acronyms and jargon: If you must use words that are familiar terms to you butwhich will not be understood by others in the audience, either substitute morefamiliar words or explain the terms.

Tact is diplomacy of the heart. This means saying the right thing at the right

time, but also leaving the wrong thing unsaid.

When asked to explain his popularity with Queen Victoria, Benjamin Disraeli said, ―Inever deny. I never contradict. I sometimes forget.‖ As a wise man once said, ―It is better

to leave the sins of others alone until you’ve made some headway on your own.‖





3

Making Connections

Fifteen Ways to Master a Meeting

List some ideas for ensuring that each method can be done effectively.

Method Suggestions

Know everybody’s name.

Know what everybody does so you won’tstep on anybody’s toes.

Be careful about personal comments.

Don’t create subconscious barriers tocommunication.

Sit erect and square your shoulders. Look

alert and lean forward slightly.

Discuss but don’t argue.

The head of the table is the power perch.

The three other important positions arethose to the right or left of the power

perch, and, unless it is too far away, the

position directly opposite.

Another good position is a corner position,because you can make eye contact withmore people.

If you are seated and an important personenters the room, stand up to shake hands.

A woman should rise to her feet as readily

as any man.





3

Method Suggestions

If you are holding the meeting, reserve the

most impressive, appropriately appointed

conference room, when the meeting

warrants it.

If it is your meeting, lead it!

If it is your meeting, have an agenda and

let people know why they are attending the

meeting.

Start and end on time.

If it is someone else’s meeting, takeresponsibility and participate.

Demonstrate high energy and

involvement.





3

Suggested Methods for Meeting Mastery

Here are our ideas for ensuring the method is used effectively.

Method Suggestions

Know everybody’s name. Get the names ahead of time.

Draw a little diagram and mark ineverybody and their name.

Introduce yourself when the opportunityarises.

Get everyone’s business card.

Know what everybody does so you

won’t step on anybody’s toes. Ask!

Look at their business card.

Find out ahead of time.

Be careful about personalcomments.

Just don’t make them!

Don’t create subconscious barriersto communication.

Be especially careful if you are in the habitof folding your arms across your chest.

Ask someone to monitor your bodylanguage and then make a real effort to get

rid of negative body mannerisms.

Sit erect and square your shoulders.

Look alert and lean forwardslightly.

Ask somebody you trust to monitor your

body language when you are sitting and togive you feedback.

Be aware of your body language and work

at keeping a pleasant expression on your

face.

Discuss but don’t argue. Learn the difference.

Practice expressing your opinions calmly,with a pleasant expression on your face.

Practice phrases like, ―Another way wecould look at this is…‖ or, ―I see your point

but have you thought about…‖

The head of the table is the power

perch. The three other important

positions are those to the right orleft of the power perch, and, unless

it is too far away, the position

directly opposite.

If you are free to choose any positionaround the table you wish, try one of these

positions and see if it makes a difference inhow you feel.





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Method Suggestions

Another good position is a corner

position, because you can make eye

contact with more people.

If you are free to choose any position

around the table you wish, try one of these

positions and see if it makes a difference in

how you feel.

If you are seated and an important

person enters the room, stand up to

shake hands. A woman should rise

to her feet as readily as any man.

Just remember to do this.

If you are holding the meeting,reserve the most impressive,appropriately appointed conference

room, when the meeting warrants

it.

This will add status to your meeting.

Identify times when this would bewarranted.

If it is your meeting, lead it! Learn the role of a chair and fulfill that role

to the best of your ability.

If it is your meeting, have an

agenda and let people know whythey are attending the meeting.

Send the agenda around ahead of time, witha clear purpose of why the meeting has beencalled.

Start and end on time. This is your responsibility as chair.

Figure out how much time you have and

how much time each agenda item shouldtake.

Stick to this timeframe.

If people don’t show up on time, start themeeting anyway.

This sends the message that your meetings

will start on time.

If it is someone else’s meeting, takeresponsibility and participate.

Come pre pared as we’ve discussed.

Read your agenda.

Write out your notes or get your background

information together.

Demonstrate high energy and

involvement. A high energy level is contagious and a

valued quality in a team player.

Don’t be distracted.

Listen to what others around the table aresaying and participate when appropriate.

Say what you want to say and no more.





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Session Ten: Sticky Situations

Avoiding situations that we find uncomfortable is a way of managing our fears of

speaking publically. However, we can’t always control what the outcome of an encounter with someone else will be.

In this session, we ask you a series of questions to provoke you to think of your own

strategies for dealing with sticky situations.

Making Connections

A Dreadful Situation

Describe a type of situation you dread.

What have you done in the past to resolve it?

What are some options you might use in the future?





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Other People’s Dread

Other people are often just as uptight as we are about sticky situations. How can we put

others at ease?

Don’t shine a spotlight on them.

Reassure them you are on their side.

Get them talking about themselves.

Don’t criticize. Find good things to say.





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Session Eleven: Controlling Nervousness

Unfortunately, some people fear speaking in front of others so much, that their level of

anxiety becomes too overwhelming. Perhaps you have experienced intense anxietyrelated to public speaking, or some other fearful situation.

In this session, we provide you with information about controlling nervousness when you

are speaking publically.

Controlling Physical Nervousness

How do you control your body when you are nervous?

Smile. Look friendly and confident even if you don’t feel that way.

Take deep breaths that can get oxygen into your brain.

Pretend. There is never a better time to put on a false face of optimism andconfidence.

Expect to do well. Give yourself lots of positive feedback.

Remember a time when you did well. Keep thinking of that time.

Controlling Mental Nervousness

V.H. Vroom developed his Expectancy Theory in the 1960’s. Although it has beenslightly modified through the years, his theory, in its simplest form, is still valid today.

We generally get what we expect. Positive expectations are the single most outwardly

identifiable characteristic that all winning personalities demonstrate.

Much of our personal self-expectancy can be discovered if we listen to our self-talk, the

inner conversations we have with ourselves, those little voices in our head. A winner’sself-talk might be, ―I did well today. I’ll do even better tomorrow.‖ A loser’s self -talk is

more apt to be, ―With my luck, I was bound to fail.‖





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Making Connections

The Jitters

How do you react when you have to speak publically, either in front of a group, with a

stranger, or with a co-worker? Do you find it easier to express yourself through other

methods of communication?

In a 2-3 paragraph answer, talk about your communication personality, and yourexperiences getting the jitters. Make reference to the lessons you have been taught inthis course.





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Session Twelve: Tell Me a Story

As we have discussed, preparing for speaking publically is the best possible way to

control your fears, and be good communicator. These skills can be practiced, and overtime you will notice a difference in your abilities.

In this session, we provide you with an opportunity to prepare for your next fearful public

speaking experience. You can refer to this writing as you begin to feel the anxieties of

speaking publically.

Making Connections

Be Prepared

Prepare a short two minute talk on some incident in your life that taught you alesson. Make this talk about something you remember well, so you only need to jotdown a few notes and then think of yourself as someone at a party talking about thisincident to your friends.





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Session Thirteen: A Personal Action Plan

You have completed this course on speaking in public, how will you use the things youhave learned in the future? You must now create a plan for implementing your newly

acquired skills in your workplace, as well as in your personal life.

In this session you will be asked questions to help you plan your short-term and long-

term goals. By reflecting on where you currently are and where you want to be, you cansolidify, in your mind, what you want your future to hold.

Starting Point

I know where I’m starting from. I know I am already good at these things, and I can

do them more often:

I can learn this, I am learning this, and I am doing what I can at this stage as well. Ihave already learned:





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Short-Term Goals and Rewards

I will start with small steps, especially in areas that are difficult for me. My short-

term goals for improvement are:

I promise to congratulate and reward myself every time I do something, no matterhow small, to maintain and improve my skills. My rewards will be:

Long-Term Goals

I’m setting myself up for success by choosing long-range goals to work forgradually. My long-term goals for success are as follows:





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Summary

Congratulations! You have completed the course “Conquering Your Fear of

Speaking in Public.”

We have included a variety of topics and subjects related to becoming better at speaking

in public, and communicating with others. You have had the opportunity to reflect onyour personal abilities and skills as a conversationalist, as well as develop your self-

awareness of your speaking insecurities. You were introduced to the Johari Windows

concepts, and you also were given important information about maximizing your

meetings. All the information we have presented to you in this course will be helpful toyou as you return to your personal and professional life.



Conquering Your Fear of Speaking in Public | 4

Recommended Reading List

If you are looking for further information on this subject, a recommended reading list is

included below.

Boothman, Nicholas. How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less. WorkmanPublishing Company, 2000.

Carnegie, Dale. How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public

Speaking. Pocket Books, 1991.

— . How to Win Friends and Influence People. Pocket Books, 1998 (Reprint).

— . The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking. Pocket Books, 1962.

Laskowski, Lenny, and Princeton Language Institute. 10 Days to More Confident Public

Speaking. Grand Central Publishing, 2001.Osborn, Michael, Randall Osborn, and Susan Osborn. Public Speaking (8th Edition).

Allyn & Bacon, 2008.Stevenson, Doug. Never Be Boring Again. Cornelia Press, 2003.

Walters, Lilly. Secrets of Successful Speakers. McGraw-Hill, 1993.

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