exercitii english

8/3/2019 Exercitii English

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,-ffi;1g-- E&e-Fisr yoim

ideas n an eSsanSrilikely to beused r

l. Age2. Sex

C. Results

In StageThree of rhe ryriting prcyour outline, or alternative ormgraph

or essay.For college wo.'1f9:#--tf

ia hePaPer....t, ll'1""

rne (ISgework tor the mai

exampres,quotatrons-

64w;i\'i;;'*, iil"r\1i"_

...p1Pt:"s yow initial writingneedso be edone.

evsg:jlgl€E-jg9!€i!_rh9ll&idr4tt4lh9qr srop:"Igo sfurght tqgoglr rhe ot stop_

rmall pro blems:@ffi-aih) Usins the-i-f or_s as they occur ;];ir-;g-d;EE;d-and sim"plywnte a

vision.

Th€'following paragraph s Biin spelling, grammar,and punctr

^ her outlire;.it also ncludessome

. P,&"'.t:^< d-. U*'-l' rir'l--+- F

, u..L\*,_-_-A

^A-((,

/.-

1€6a::-^-,'-Make me a traffic cop, an{t'll cracxogp-o:: cenarn qpes 01 onvers. Firsl off

-

t \ ' - -

:out is tIGFEbof the hiBhway.Near the top are the up_xample,

this morning when I was driving to school,:ved at least a couple notches in aH-ation pad, and Icut offpeople and force their way in, and leavebehindren there,s he left-tum buliies the onu. th"t k""p *oi]rrm to red.They come n all ages and sexes, hey can be

1. Collisions

r,rl""*,i"""-""" i-

A. fi4.;;nl. Hostitity

u ar"=---*l. Accidena2. People upset

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/ ,- l\12.-7.,

lot ofroad demons out there. Maybe t,s goodI,m not a traffic cop,Rambo or oth_



sjllfting Process: Stage Ttree

t49'-JqTj!|agSgPl+gl9Sl'pic sestslLrflalanceorneedsore up-

FEI,'E!D!149J119! rn4llEl_las ecessary.jon\ beatraid o changeheoutline.Of_ten goingback andforth between he initial draft aodthe outline will preyentvour

!eJ--"t!!or41".ming mechanical. ccasionally,syou disco,,erhriyou n""d ro

€'erdd.Q,-g,!$A'. parr, it dogE4El4]ges.

Writing Your Rough Draft

the 0pic ot! evelopedn Chaplersand , andi

The term frst draft suggestsquite accurately that there will be other drafts, or ver_sions,of your writing. Only in the most dire situations,such asan n-classexamina-

0na separateheei fpaper,sewrite rough raft l aparagraphranessay sdifectedyy0urnstructor,

tion when you have time for a!$Dec wrtn a srngle

r4gi#--l:_-

checking for!9fis-io.u-ncludes

content, and Ianguageeffectiveness. diting_(discussedlater in this chapter) nvolvesa 6rtal correctingof simplemistakeslnd--dundamentals

somea!911!9g1l94gd anendio dlrhei mallpoints hat canbe easily

You shouldlearn o look for cerrain spectsf skillfulwriringasyoue*i.hii-f,Gfair yo* fust

&aft. To help you recall theseaspectsso that you can keep them in mind artd examineyour rnaterial in a comprehensive fashion, tli6.-textbook offers aacronym in which each errersuggests n importaru- aIId !e-

vision.This deviceenables ou to memorize he features f goodyou will be able o recall and refer to them automaticallv.These not be

suchas spelling,punctuation, and capitalization. n Rracrice,editing and revising,,e-nor_ahjvays.separateg!!!!" a rhough wrilers usgllly wE unti]lk next+o-theJas,

attended to individually when you revise your writing, although theythey need not be attended o in the order presentedhere.The acronvr(pronounced"qlues"), which provides this guide:Coherence, anguage,Unfrphasis,Support, and Sentences.

Each of these eatureso{ good wtiting can be approached vith a set o{ techniquesyou can apply easily o yow fust draft. They are presentedhegqwith some details,examples, and supporting exercises. t the end of thiscnapter lof a concrse tst ot these fearures a set of questionsyou can apply to

your own writing and to peer editing.

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Coheence

how one idea connects o another and to This central



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thought, of course, s expressed rhe topic se-nrenceor a paragraphand in the the_rs or an essay, ou can achievecoherence fficiendy by using he followrng:

Overall pattern

Transitional termsReperit ion f key wordsan d mportant

deasrronounsConsistentpoint of view

0verall afiern

:

,n, later, [ollou.,ing, afier, at tbdt Dointyht, eft, beyond,behind,aboue,'below \

t1,,

otud',,tbird, most) ,qore i

.

By usingtransitional teranother The transi ron.Tt,

too""r hdlp your readersmove easily rom one dea toI term in eachof the following sentencess italicized.First, I realized I had to get a j ob to sray in school.

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,y track coach wanted the team to spend more hours

'le qetendrng champions.

re of my courses.

Hepeti{ionfKeyW0rd$&ndrflportantdeas

Repeateywords ndpbrasesoI..

l A:E,n =o!&gjq:hg.ader,smindand oT-H+gf$?+slnecessa.ry

rorasmoorhowof ogicalhought.Seehe ec_on on tmphasis ater n rhischaprer.l

Ptonouns

?ronouas,rsqgh as he, her, them, twriring.)Ever,.;;;;';,#" i;t'##,Hm*Tff }:ffrono'n) nd hus arriest".Ja., l".t ,o,nu,""--:-"ril"*iuii#"." "..,o_.xamples.

I tried,o boy tickefs or theconcert,but ft)yjwere all sota.

Assen&epeople rcnd o make deci.,'\ \

make the wisestdecisions..ironsqurckly'Flowever, h1)hav not

Roget painted a picnrre of Drs ather,s pickup truck. ft was so good thar arsprofessor askedhim to enter i, in an art show-



SO-**fffreaa*:Fh. lViiiing process: tage hree

LanEuage

ol View

Point of y!9# shows he writer's relationship to the material, the subject,and it usu_i t t / -

aJqld@fsnot change within a passagL, ..--

lt you are corveying personalexperience,he poiat of view qiil, be fitst persoru. rI, which can be either involved (a participant) or detached rn &-r-€EF-.-

'

Being consistent ig these_rnatlgq14ll mote coherence.

i r

In the revision process, he word language akes on a specialmeaning, referringto usage) oneJand diction. If you are writiag with a computeq consider usingthe thesaurus eature,but keep n mind that no two

words shareprecisely he samemeanins.

{gn.uou^

propr4{, you will draw unfavorable attention to your message. hat doesnot meantna9'Slanedoes not hrve i tq n la.c- i f dncc Tt."- A- i--^ i-^:: , . - ^-J -^r^,r--r ^? i: ::31$1$I:::l*

haversplace-ir does.t canbe masira_rivendcolortul.OFen.tnough.IT-9I.])a weak ubsrinrleor a more

Dreciseocabularv.Usage s an impoitant part of writing and revising:Judgewhat is appropriate foryour audienceand your purpose. What kind of language s expected?

Whatkind of

language s bestsuited or accomplishingyour purpose?

principies oi stanciardEnglish in your writing and revising, you will masrer rhem.

Most of the material in the Handbook is grammatical explanation of stand4rd,

.y*tlEtr!-Cryf5!-L1iing srandarde'b ensesndprono*.rr.rtffihlffiu-

-ro wnte ettectively.The Handbook offers clear explanations and examples. t alsoprovroes exercrses upported by answers n the Alswer Key. As you practice the

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the The tone couldhave epresented =matter and the audience.Tonecan haveasl B

+elLge11algn1asyou canhave eelings:t can, or example, esarcasric,o-or_i\=i'ous. serious.cautionarv- ohiect iwe otnw"li. .

"---,L;+-- ^--. :-^---1 ---r -, -. \ Yl

?

ous,serious,cautionary,objective, grovelhg, angry,bitteq sentimental,enthusl.rti., \Esomber,outraged, or loving. ; -,

. 3

E"Dont talk to me n that tone of voice,l or .,I

ac- ;

[dn1like rhe on esheused

whenshe old me,.l itb: sound of the speaker's oic. ,r.d 'n?.ybg,!he 5

somber,outraged, or loving.



*'.'"*Tffir^e*-*si

.Lettsayyou aregeringa haircut.Looking n those anoramicmirrorsborderedwith pictures f peoplewith different tyles._{haircurr;;;;. ;#r;" hair srylisti:furrtF!{ t:9 m5b-!e.r. Youcould usediffet""t torr", i

*ii-;r-E.r-*rr,"rrmelyhow-to insftuctions-

obiective "If you don't mind, what I meant to say was that I would likea hair_cut proportioned similar to that one there n tJrepicture of Tom Cruise rom

Jerry Maguirb.,'

Ilumorous: ',Ihesitate o make suggestionso someonewho is standing at my

l-TL T l:9t*,",sharpiastrumentearmy hroat, ut ,m eningmyhair

i,rl*;:*r brr. don,twanr ou o takeoff a ot n_theackandon he

sloes.--

Fl| \^.,.* (€ \-

| , ' \\'r.r.ir.rx I (

oyerbearing: "Damn iq buddy. wifl you v,/atchwhat you're doing! I asked for ahaircut, not a shave. f God had wanted me to havebareskin

Irnn, If, \g ^Olrr t\4DX<{ L'"'l

=,,t,lp.".lireelrngs nd attitudesare representedy infleclon,

shoulders,he would,ve put the hair qn my feet.,, f

1-€$fu,',;

le to have bareskin abovemv,fe;t: ( t..^*_*J nitr(*oL,-rqad(i"-p' 6f,,^@ *

r, Sudness,@\€Er-e-{Cness,$ord

61i(ouutav ttz*.rf \

f-.-\o l

/ ,r, r --tL -1 4 1 choice,an d anguage anerns.{6-;i i i i iE:-,quv,,!JJ,\auru

I \t\A-\€€l-1d,g\(l ) ^_, ^_,(-' T

jragr;, , ",;iy; ;.J;####ll"'"',","""fifi l*,H:#* ^r:

:]t--Y'H f T-T:lt:*,1*l*' " :-glrleprerll3let*E id." rnaparticurar

H3: :,.,11.-*mpliesheaudienlf;Trffiate

to your audience.

Usually you_rone will be consistent hroughout you! presentatro& although forthe informal essat,often,assigned n college,-youmuy ct oo.e to begin in a light_hearted, amusing tone beforesw.itching o i _or" r".loor, objectivemode.

Dictioo is worgq t!ot-. tr_yoousegood diction, you are rrding the bestwords for a__=_:=-__ _ _/_, o,_g grv!!vu,

ruu 4rc ururrrt rrre oest words lot a

l:-:"..T:^n1n::in addressing_ certain.audience.There is some overlap, there_

j::::Tf:l^Xe and iction.l ar"ori".;" *". i,,'iri;;;; -J;I""J;

reaction in the following way:

Poor iction:This part_of he subway s really a mess.Ever),where look I cansee

Shgspeole1I.; i;;;,'ffi fi#ffiil"*;:;1H:l1::. *.T

-.t*e

sotidtems re iquids. " ,h. _;il-";;;"h;;;podge of posrersand wriring. The whole areaJ,

""tdi;;; ;";;;""'

pleasant.

how rlff,cenecomeso ife with betterwordchoice:

Good iction:

Note

, . fBeforeme I saw] an uaspeakablemassof congealedoil, puddlesof du_bious iquid, and a mishmashof old cigarettep4ci"r, -jliJ"rJm.ru

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5O'*'-6:a$ed--+bcWiitingProcess:SrageT'l'ee

,The differencehqrweqn hese wg passagess obvious..Th.gr+-@ f.r-,

/ sucnas veryoury- an o -vety unpteasant" arry ttf lemeantng. he authorha sno r

| ^^)^ '-^ ^^^'rL_

--'^_-l 1

---- --'=-

I made us see.Jhe word, uery is an empry modifier I he secondpassage qfetfi\

\ You can visualizewhar rbe writer is saying boug} rhe speeffiCicrion; h&df-Jhe

first is eeneraland. for content. hardlv soeshewond sinolenh'"ce--ec. in rhc Ihe first is generaland, for content)hardly goesbeyond a singlephrase-mess ir the _lsubway. 1

newspapersr nd the debris hat filtered down from the street above. [Thewalls were a display of posters]-here a text from the Bible, there a half-nakedgirl, here a pair of girl's legswalking up the keys of a cash register-all scribbled over with unknown namesdnd well-known obscenities. ,

The {ollowing list shows the differencebetweengeneraland specificwords.

General Specific More Specific

food fruit juicy, ripe peach/mess

lr,l"t' candywrappersJempty cans

drink soda PepsiLite

odolkitchen sme.ll aroma of coffee brewing

Another aspect of dictioniJ expression.To achievethose distinctions,you

sider this sentence:familiar

When rhe Prince married Cifideretla.ber sisterswenr 6d;n wirltarseshe u, ,ro.'" n

"rry#.",, lea\ng h;;;ijifud

Those words were written by a personwho doesnt care about communicating ina clear and interbstingmanner It would be far better to say:

Vhen thtfrince married Cinderella,her sisterswere enviousbecause heyhad no suitors.

reflect

A controlling idea,statedorwl\-,o,. \ &s

quick asa flashslow but sure

other sideo{ the coin

breathless ilence

acid test

befter ate than never

six of one,half dozenof the other

and

gs/ 1n every

This ist shows om@

young at heart

rotten to the core

uphill battle

more than meets the eye

bitter end

as uck would have t

last but not least

Cliches re_194];g!31p511!a. A clich6masrerm3n.i4l31Ssanguages t ir*.t"

"pjg&!4gg!94_bEildj!g_pj!g_.lgp,not botherirg ro o.. ,tty imagination an=d a

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mademore appargnr f yeq resrate he ropic senjg!g9_9l$€Ejs_t$f, end of rhe uniralg ljllgllepear key words aod ohrasec r^- ,;-. ,^ ,,-^*!++':,:f

'-: Agood;r'..k-;;F,

**'*-.fi"?"-&**t€

is to ask.yourself

'"U_-11*1,a feature. f most goodwriting,helps hereader ocuson r-hemain deas

itll::1=#:*S.Itcan eachievedn,"u"d ;";;;;;inry throushplacementof key ideasandl-hroughrepetition.

Placemenlf deas

Q-*'

^Stl^rb.d-X

is usualli"athbbeeirlningf a.pi r-..*r"JrJiri ."a i"j::!lllgsrarement .@

RepetitionfKeyW0rdsndmportantdeas

Repetition is one of the sirnplestdevices n your writert toolbox. The words re_

:;*rr:T :f-':*w-ords,hrases,tigl,rty

"1,"."a "r*..o"iir"""r-r.

o"o"maintains the continuity

rou can use his valuable echniqueeasily. f, as s donen the following example,you are discussing he effecrsof rhe schoor .opo* pJi._,,i:.ijrTew::ra"f*_""r,r.

if +

_l*+*gZEss ,ch e hd-.,, ",;"

q; ,; i;,' "Wr*_lt"rffi'"'J}"?',1;X'u'otconsequence(s)'

"nai;iffi'

may e repeated, erhaps ith slie#;:je,oriv;:et"ltgl

U I !) \\+J_-

r l,The causesofthe school dropout probremhave re-ceivedmuch atcention re-

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cently,but the effects arejust as mportant. one obviousresult is that ofunem_ploynent or low-paying employment. The student who drops out of school islikely to be dropuiag into povefiy, perhaps even nto a liferong conditon, Anothereffect is juvenile crime. The young person who has no prospects for a goodjoband no hope arr oo frequently tums to illegal activities.a third resuit concernsthe psychologicai

well-being of the dropout. eJthough withdrawing fiom schocjlseems o offer a quick, viable soiution to perceivedproblems, t almost rmmedi_ately has consequences or the dropoutts self_esteem.Of course, hese effectsmay also be tied to causes,such as drugs,poverty,crime, or psychological prob_lems, but devastating repercussionsare there at t}Ie far end of the causes_and_effects continuum, ana youngsterswho are contemplating dropBlagout shouldconsider them with care.

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oo-''ffcna*eg*g* wl't" g processsrageThree

A word of rjvarning: The effective use of word and phrase repetition should not beconfusedwith an irritdting misuseof word repetition. \Ve all at times get stuck oncertain words, and the result s a negarive esponse rom our audience.Consider hisawkward use of repetition: _

'.,

She ooked at him and frowned. He re turned the look and then looked

away at a stanger looking for his lost keys.

Thar's oo many /ooft 's.Consider his version:

She ooked at him lor, euenbetter,She rowned at him]. He glared backand then glancedaway at a strangersearchingor his lost keys,

The secondveision preserveshe idea of people "looking" by using synonyms. t ismpre preciseand doesnot grate on the leader'smind as he first does-

lf tt*FIow much support as evidenceor explanationdoesa pieceof writing need! A gooddevelopmental paragraph ful-fills its fuaction by developing the topic sentence. An es-satis completcLuben it fulflls its funciion of developing a thesis. Obviousln yoriiilhave o judge what is complete.With some subjects, ou will need ittle supportingand explanatory material. With orhers,you will need much more. Incompleteness,not overdevelopment, s more common among beginning writers. Besideshavingenough suppon/'{Tsq{. th"t tb" poini, of suppo.r

"t.p l.

sF4.uence.

Consider he following paragraph. s it complete?Does the writer make the mainidea clear and provide adequatesupport for it? Are the ideas n the right o rder?

arritudes.Ar excited or agpressively rousedcat will whio its emire railbackand orrb. \ e..1t\.;-,\ -3*"-*---)

tt>

'l--\,/-1

of its intentions. By various movements

T<lof its tail a cat will signal m-anyof its wants. Other movements ndicate its

his paragraph seems omplete. t beginswith a concise opic sen-tence elling us that a cat's ail is a good barometer of its intentions. It adds infor-marjon of a general narure ir rhe {ollowiog rwo sentences.Then it prepdfi?i).)

f@fi'nilg exampJe bout rhe aggressively rousedcar. Bur rhe paragraph (nor ex-,/| ,, . _ J - r --:-------'-- /\pllgljtrere ls rnsumcrentsupporttng mate al tor the opeDtnggeneralzanonNlfe

@ghph leaves he reader with too much information to fill in. What are someother ways that cats communicate their iatentions with their tails? How do theycommunicate specificwishesor desires?s their communicationeffective?f the pas-sage s to answer theseor other questions hat may come nto the reader,smind, itmust presentmore material to support the beginning generalization.f,he orrginalpa{eggpbrhat follows begins with a concise topic sertence that is then supporied. - - : l L - - * : l ! . I - - ^

A cat's ail is a good barometer of its intentions.Al excited or aggres-sively aroused cat will whip its entire tail back and forth. When I talk toSam,he holds up his end of the conversationby occasionally lickirg thetip of his tail. Mother cats move their tails back and forth to invite theirkittens to play.A kitten raises ts tail perpendicularly o beg or attention;older cats may do so to beg for food. When your cat holds ts tail aloftwhile crisscrossingn lront of you, it is tryirg ro say, "Follow me,'-usually

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MichaelWox ,WhatsyoUr etI l ing toTeliYou?'

to the kitchen, or more precisely,o the refrigeratol Unfortunatel% manycatshave ost their tails in refrigerator doo.s usa consequence.

Ve can strengthenbur understandingof good support by analyzing the structureof the.model paragraph, putting to use he information *. t

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,o,ti,t_111,llT discussion.he paragraph 9&i,s__Ejth_thgigLcst€eDel;;oo (tt1e

Ir is fo.llowedmmediaelywir!!9gppg4Ilgs1arsneffi,"d ."d. *i; ;';;;ir;;!

main-dea n the opicsentence):A *r,, m;r. s-tWf weplacehismate.i"f";*G" r."rily r". tt.'. ".3gg1gg1g1ffi-@ or hought.o; s";;;;;;jri;;.:.^-_-s._/\_.^

A cat's ail is a good b^arometer f its intentions. / , +-\,-' .1 A- ! !': .t -7A An excited. ,gfr.ssi#rf a.ousedatw r whip tsentirea u).r.#r#

rofin-

B. Wher I talk to Sam,he holds up his end ofthe conversationby occa_sionally flicking the tip of his tail.

C. Mother cats rnove their tails back and forth to ini,ite their kittens ro' plav.

D. A kinen raises rs tail perpendicularly o beg or attention;E. older catsmay do so to beg for food.F. When your cat holds its tail aloft while crisscrossingn front of you, rr

is rrying to say, ,Followme,'_usually to the kitchelt, o, _or. p.._"

ciseh to the refriget&or.

Unfortunately, many catshave ost their tails in refrigerator doors as a con_sequence.

\{.-k"{" ,"*dr,*ry1/

lfariety fSenienaes

[.enqth

Uarleiy fSentenaeallerns

Good writing. includes a dcqlqllglE4tence+4,trer4€. Although there is no limit torn enumberot senrencesou can write,yo u ma y be pJeasedo discover la t th econ_ventional English sentenceappears n only[T6Ei6;;EG;;sysee pp. 413_414).!ir

Topic sentence (highest

generalization)

Major support

Major support

Major support

Major support

Major support

Major support

Added for humor

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ln rne rev$ron process, he word sentencesefers o the variety of sentence aaterrrcand the correctness f sentence tfuctute.



a4*-Sbd/Sing Process: Stage Three

---{ J,ul4rsnewas well paro.

well, shewas well paid.

id the work well, shewas well paid, and she

Arr analysisof thesepatternswith suggestions nd exercisesor combining sentencesis given n the Handbo6k.

Each of the four sentence atterns isted has ts org!_Lurposes nd strengths.The

@ simple sentence conveys a single idea. Th" .o-poofi.-J#-TEo6-Ey-ilE-rt o.-

Qture, that two somewhat equal ideas are comected. The complex sentenceshows

@ that one dea is less mportant than anorher; that is, it is dependenton, or subordi-

61 nate to, the idea n the main clause.The compound-complexsentence as the scope" of both the compound sentence and the complex sentence.

VariefyfSenlenieeginnings

Alrother way to provide sentercevariefy is to 'rsedifferent kinds of beeinnings.A- new beginning may or may not be accompaniedby a changedserueDce anern.

Among the most common beginniags,other than srarting with the subject of themain clause, are rhose usiqg_4_Eepqsi1iopallbr4le.-Ldep€Erl@tdarse, or a con-

-$ jnrrctjve adverb such as therefol3.!9y3y3191_ja1fus;y!y9p,:!33\.l l - -

. { '

@. Prepositionalphrase (in italics)

In your fantasy,you are he star.'

Like casino owners, game show hosts wdnt you to be cheery.

l'd' DePend"ntclause in italics)

When the nighttime *Wheelof Fortune" debuted, he slot was occupied by

magazineshows,

As Pat Sajahnoted, viewersoften solve he puzzlebefole the cofltestantsdo.

O " Conirnctlrredverbin talics)

Nora you know.

Therefore, you feel happy, excited, and a bit superior

ProblernsilhSentences

A complete sentencemust generally nclude an ndependentclause,which is a group

of words tlat contains a subject and a verb and can stand alone. Somegroups..of

w-ords may sound hteresth s. Three EG-otr proL-

lem groupings are he fragment, the comma splice,and the run-on (seep. 434).

s a word grouping tlat is strucrurall y ncomplere.

Because e eft. fThis is a dependentclause,not a complete sentence.]

'Wentto the library fThis has no subject.]

She being he only person here. ffhis has no verb.]

Waiting there for help. [This pbrasehas neither subjectnor verb.]

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In the,back seatunder a book. [Here we haverwo phrasesbut no subjecr

of two independentclauseswith odr€Ii\" b*

The weatherwas bad, we canceledhe picnic. [A comma by itself cannotjoia_..1q49.!4!gpgndentclauses.l

lprffers from the comma splice in only one way: It has no comma be_e iadependentclauses.

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The weather was bad we canceled he picnic.

iragmentsr comma splices,and nn_ons can easilybe flxed (see he Handbook) dur_ing the revising-and editing stagesof your writing. A compoi.ro"J gr"-rrr., .Ir""t",may help ypu 6nd tfteseproblerns.

strafegies or effective evision.o

Because ou can find spellingerrors n writrn your owrt, a cpmputerizedsocllchecker

s t

overlooked by an author

il #:;;;# fi T.."Jfi'il':;.T,f#ilflli: ::i*r;'#:ffi1s.

Tl.rere,rouightindmore itailsoi"1r",

u r","*"rr, .o f"ir-oi.'"u.,_orr. rr.omore reftlte areas ol rhoueht.



e Writing Process

Flerewe seehow BetsyJacksonworked through the entire writing process. n StageOne, she reewrote, brainstormed, and developeda cluster of ideas, n StageTwo,

she composeda good topic sentence, eveloped urther a pan of her cluster fromStageOne, and drew up'an outline basedon the clust.r Then, in StageThree, we seeone o{ her early drafts, her revision and editing of that draft, and finally the finishedversion.

Note that Jacksonhas useda Writing ProcessVorksheet, which has been ength-

,ened or you to be able to see ll parts of her work. you will find a full-size blank

{ | worksheet on page 6, which can be photocopied, illed in, and submitted with each

| [assignment f your instructor directsyou to do so.

Writin Process orksheet

Due ateMonday, une 5, 8 a.m.

ln he paceel0w, rite hateverouneedoknow boutour ssignment,ncjudinginformationbouthe opic, udience,atternf Writing,ength, hethero includerough raft r evisedrafts,ndwhetherour aper us t e yped.

Write a paragraphof about 200 o 300words on a topic from the list_bad drivers. Discussqpes for the pattem. Use some examples.Write for readers'who

have probably shared your experiences. nclude this completed worksheet,one or more rough drafts marked for revision, and a qped final paper,

Explore. Freewrite,rainstormlist), luster,r ake otessdirectedy ournstruc-tor.Useheback { his agerseparateaperfvou eed ore oace.

Xvery day when I drive to school I seebad drivers.Sometimes I'm mad. Some_times I'm irritated. Sometimes T'msc,ared. think someoneshould do somethingabout them. The dmnk drivers are tle worst. They should be put away.But a otof the otler should be getting tickets too. SomeoftJte drivers are worse than oth_ers. Make me a cop, a supercop,a rambo cop, and I,l1go after the worst. Maybe Idjust€o after t}Ie ones that bother me. Some bad drivers causea iot of accid.entsand get people all angry.Takethe tailgaters for example.And what about thedrivers that go into the emerqelqllAacs on the freeways to pass when t-here's ajam. And then you've got the lane changersand the leaplelhat dglJ signal andthose that keep going and turning 1eftwhen the light turns red.Then you,ve gotthe people that drive too fast and too slow.And you've got t}Ie ones that daatstop for pglie€tdalq. A11 inds ofbad drivers are out there-young, old, male, fe-male, insane, drunk, angry, and rushed.

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drunks

lane changers

no signals

too fasvslow

ail kinds

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FlameBetsyJackson



StudentDemonstrationof All St"g"" ofd"e@ffi*r6_'*6d

i l

--..\ Qot b,ckrin6 "-) t ?ttsarin1,"rp*9r-Lrffi.'1

)=r,1..!:_./ \\ D.ke* ,/\el9lai,.n.-unaare tani\\._chahging,/vy

ventct}.M / teewayo \

- l - - - - - \ \ \ anas!rtace

,ikD-i \ \V4<

-,,-*B

6;ffi'/.=-r-l\" "

f.uffiii""/ q35ii tv)l V

I!E reer6oirv-

tiaku?8,O U

- - . . . \ i

ffietsency ) l l-too stowii\

<P,r take6,/

.'w*"",W.-.,\gortens-..)

rolling)'na y'daing-D.

<gBrdan:..,____-_-----:-v--. -

bad drivers; me as a 3pdriving badly, rccklessly,unsafely; a cop,s obon every roadwayall the timehurried, disrespectful, self_centered, ick, addiction, hostile,rrresponsible

]i"*.f1"St:C,gtlt:ng iltegally in emergency ane, not signaling, pass_

lnCo:r.te sh:u.]der, ailgating, tuming teft on red, ro inj"top, iplua_

ing, driving while intoxicated

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Who?' - '

What?

Where?

\.trhen?

\ /hy?

How?

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@0rgan i zeWr i tea t op i csen t enceo r t hes i s ; |abe | t hesUb jec tand t he t reat men I pans .

I. Drunks

II. Unsafe ane changersA. Character

1. Rude

2. Bullying

B. Results

1. Accidents

2. people upsetIII. Left-tumers on red

A. Attitude

1. Self-centered

2. Putting self above aw

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Process: StageThree

B. Ktnds

1. Age

2. Sex

L. Kesrltrs

1. collisions

2. Mass rritatiorr

IV Tbilgaters' ' A. Mdtives

l HostilitY

2. Rushed

B. TIIECIS

1. ^ccidentst Da ^ n la r rn c a i

Write 0nseparatdaper,rite ndheneviseour aragraphressaysmanyimesasnecessaryorGoherence,anguageusage,one. nd ic tion).nity. mphasis.Up-port, nd e;tenfltscLUEsffRead-our iorkaloudo hear ndro-riecFanyramm-at-ical rrorfor wkward-soundinoentences.

Edit ny roblemsn undamentals,uch scapitalization,missions,unctuation,ndspellingC0PS).

1t \\,erc U Uypnnary

' l*al.e-Ee a trafic cop, )fr Xprack down on certain types of drivers."Iirs+cff Itar|etwd)bbe driver7 arre.t' mmeAhtetJ,

-are+e drunkgr U ?+F hem €#+€+i€h#a'jsd€ht-€{+ and any cop would. But

sev*+e+e+al I could qf carved at ]east a couple notches in a {,dl€Fe+pad, and I

wasn't even cranklr

there:s he left-turn bullies^the oneswho keep mov-

ing out when the yeilow tum to red. They come n ail ages and sexes/Sey-ea+$e

Yesterday, I saw this female in a picffip barrel right

out into the teeth of a red light. She had a baby on boardfEhe&ad lead in her

ana Ifoot/-s+€+id evil in her eye.She was hostile and self-centeredrdakingadvantage' 1 .

of others. She knew tlat dre facing traffic would probably not pull out and risk a

head-on crash.The key woid there isBrobably^but many times peoplewith a

| " Faur+"h

green ight do move out and colide wi*r the leftJum bullies. Th!d, Id {ap the

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cut off F,eqFle nd force their way in, e+d leavf behind



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StudentDemonstmtionfA1lst"g", of*tlnea4fiffi*" _*"**n7

taitsaters.o neoe"a"t"nougho.+hffiys.,,,ffry"Tli.liiij'Jfi1?::;.

One bumper sticker reads, ,Stayback.I chew tobacky."And JamesBond sprayed

^carstat chasedim.sincehe irst l"ff?nd theseconas_agJffLe_re$r,11aL l ha4tr

had heelqr*+ anambo^copu ustre5$r a ot of a gaterick"r".X{&uffiof

roea de..obe ^aubtep) ny $dth. Afi€#ead_deT€es-€u*€+e_;Maybe it,s good I,m not a taffic cop, Rambo or ot}I-

erwise,^causeraffi. .op."ru

,nppo."',o fnforce hundreds of raws. don,t know ifbe- .d oe corcenLo _q ar Lt.e p.nal- .6t ar obAottab a-.ve_e.lo nave ttme,causel}|e+e-+Jl.ewF+!{J}a€ve€-ix-mjl9+

If i Were a Tlaffic CopBetsyJackson

Topic sentenc€

Support

Supporr

Support {example)

IfI were a b:afficcop_ld crack down olr certain tyles ofdrivers.My primarytarget would be drunk drivers. td anest t}rem im_-il;t;;-""; cop would.But the jerks ol tre highway are what I,m rearlyconcemed about here.Near thetoP of my hit list are the unsafq lane chanqqrs.t

"y "r,,of orh", dnvers andforcd-thejr way in, Ieavingbehfrd upset and injured people. fris moming \ rhen fwas driving to school, could have carvedat least a coupteofrlotcttes ln a citr,tjon pad, and I wasn't even cranky.Th"" tfr".u

"."*r" f"ft_tu* i,-riU"", tle oneswhokeepmoving utwhen heyellow.,-, to "d. fr .o ffi

"gu,"rrdexes.Yesterday, saw this female in a pickup barrel right ouiinto Le teeth of ared light. she had a baby oo board,_teadn ir"r foot, arra'"vilj" n", i". ,n" ,"*hostile and self-centered, aking advantageof others.she knew that the facingtraffc would probably not puil out and A"t"

i.,u"a_or, r"rfr. ii"*t"], _ora tfr"r"h a green ight do move out and coliide

t}Ie taiieaters. No one goes ast enouehe. Onebumper sticker eads, .Stay

back.oil on cars that chasedhim. Since heifI had the authority of a Rambo-con. d

my-wrarhButmaybet's good'm nota offir"traffic ops re upposedoenforceundredsf awr. a*;i t""*lf ra n.""time because 'd be concentrating on this private list of ob"o*io,.r, ari"".".

Support

Restated topic sentence

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oa'***TiiHer"g--Thu"\,vfli"g Process: tage hree

Revisingand Editing a First Draft

Revisehe ollowingtudentirstdraft. hen heckor capitalizallon,missions(ouersighlsrgrarnrnarroblerns),unctuati0n;nd pel{lng0OPS).paeespro-'videdoryou 0 add,delete,move, ndG0rrectnaterial.SeeAnswer ey or

answers.)

PainUnforgettable

tames Hutchison

One evening n 1968 while I was working the swing shift at the General Tire Re-

capping Plant. I came up r,vith he greatestpain of my life because f a terible acci-

dent. Raw rubber was heated up in a large tank. Pryor to its being fed into an

extruder. was recapping arge off-road rires.The lowering platform was in the up

position the chain snapped. t sent he heary platform crashing down in to the tank,

This causeda huge wave of steamingwater to surgeout of the tank. Unfortunately,

I was in its path th. -u,r. hit r.ry bulk just above my waist. The sudden pain shook

me up. I cou. ldnot move. My clotheswere steaming freaked out. Co-workers ran

to my aid and striped the hot clo thing from my body, taking skin as they did. I lay

face down on the plant flooq naked and shaking for a long time. The paramedics

Revisehe.l0llowingtudentirstdraft. hen heckoreapitalization,ffiissions(oversiqhlsrgrannmarr0blems),unctuati0n,nd pellingC0PS).pacespro-videdoryo$ o add, elete,nove,nd orreotnateria[.

QuittingSchool

Doretta Mclain

Quittiirg school was not a big deal for me until I realizeall the effects of quitting

would bring to my life. At that time I didn't care . plan to marry a few months later

I was happy then.

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came o pick me up. The painful experences still scarywhen I thhk about it.

Editing a First Draft



StudentDemonstratiooof A11St"g." of*httffiffi ess*[email protected]$i

Quitting school was a big mistake becausewhen I went out to look for a job I

couldn't qualify for any of the goodpositionsbecausef my lack of education. nstead,

I took a job in a fast-food place where I had no future. Then I went to work in a big

company]ust doing simpleofficework. When t came ime for promorionsI couldnt

pass he tests hey gave.That was not all. As a resultof quitting school. tcouldn,t even

help my children with their homework or buy the specialthiags for them.

I startedmy family when I was not eveneighteen ears.The fust year of my mar_

riage was 6rte, hen things started o fall apan. My husbandhad quit school oo, and

he didn't maie much rnoneg and is-I mentioned, didn,t make much either.We

ar_

gueda lot mainly over money. Wecouldn't get a big enoughhouse or our family so

that we could have the privacy we needed. quit work to raise my kids and that

when I_ eally got in deep.My car was gettirg old and money was not enough to

make big payments had to buy another old caq which broke down all rhe ime. I

started reakirrgout. The fighting got worse and we had a divorce.

I was lucky that my parentsdecided o help me, and.now I am dedicated o getting

a good education. will work hard to learn so me and my children can havea better

Il

riting, Revising,and Editing your Draft

?ogTFol_\erg

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-'usilgjqtrti@chaprers 2and

: rate aper,r e, evise,nd dJtour...-.--aragrapfrd;dayoconnpletdnT;f Ttgglycf q,-L@eulaJ_gglgy$rs_$-bgunri-a ie yo havewoked wirh

S ]' tlmdessaYsn he.nextt'trorrapler''(t

, 31, (",r",L\."

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70*e"-tha@;r*4*!.he"Wfrhng

Process Stagehree

Writer's Guidelines

1. Writing.Write

your first draft,payingclose ttention o your outline, ist, or cluster, oDotconcern ourselfwith perfect pelling, rammag r punctuation.

2. Revising

Coherence

u Are the ideas clearly related, eachore to the others and to the ceqtral idea?n Is there a clear pattern of organization (time, space,or emphasis)?. Is the pattern supported by words that suggest he basis of that organization

(time; notu, then, later; spacet aboue, belotu, up, down; emphasis first, sec-

ond, last)?. Is coherencgenhancedby the use of transitional terms, pronorurs,repetition,

and a consistentpoint o{ viewl

Language

Is the general style of languageusageappropriate (properly standard and for-mal or informal) for the purposeo{ the pieceand the intendedaudience?

Is the tone (languageuse showing attitude toward material and audience)

appropriate?

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Is the word choice dictionleffective?Are the words precisen conveyingmean-

ing? Are they fresh and original?

Unity

" AJ€ the thesis and every opic sentence lear and well stated?Do they indicate

both subject and treatrnelt?e Are all points of support clearly elated o and subordinate o the topic senrence

of eachparagraphand to the thesisof the essay?

Emphasiso Are ideasproperly placed(especially ear he begirLning nd end) for emphasis?. Are importalt words and phrases epeated or emphasis?

Support

. Is there adequatematerial-:-such as examples,details,quotations, and expla-

nations-to support each opic sentence nd thesis?d Are the points of support placed n the bestpossibleorder?

Sentences

. . Are the senlencesaried n lengthan d beginnings?. AJe th€ sentences aried in pattern (simple,compound, complex, and compound-

complex)?o Are all problems with sentence trucrure(fragments,corrma splices,and run-

ons) corrected?

3. Editing

. Are all problems in such areas as capitalization,omissions,punctuation, andcncllino enrrerte.l ?

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Writing the Essay

The EssayDefined in Relation to the

Developrnental,Paragraph 83

SpecialParagraphsWithin the Essay 85

Inhoductions85

Conclusions7

Student Demonstration ofAll Stagesof thq

Writing Process 88

Writing rocessorksheel9

Writer's Guidelines 96

"Considered structurallry, he essaycan

afren bean expanded deuelapnentdl

pMdgrdph."

L E E BR A N D O N

THEIUIGMANS byBuddy ickerson-\\\\N

K;--_-U lnxe 1

z ' ) o R s l

/a

TaKe 1ap1 EFiTeT gacK,,Hlck,

OR SHALLF1FJCTC8iNST..SouR gRaNiuH gIRoNcLg oR

HaZaRDoR Air'tle's |aANNeR.

'ADYeR,seLYSo ds To DlsTReQsoR lLRM Will'krur ReGaRD T:osuccess oR FiiLuRe- N e HaP-

t t J l r qDr''*

H0w healienswill reveal hemselves.

B.Hickercon,opyrightosAngdlesimes yndicate eprintedypermissl0n



;9rq*gl!!, defgs$e pata#aph, but thepara$aph defnirion givesCdirsid€r the defrrition from Chapter 5: The deuelopmental iara_fl"pn

. . , "is a group of sentences, achwith the function of supportlng a cont.ot_ling idea called the ropic senrence,,,

The main parts of the developmental aragraphare he topic sentence subjecrandtreatment), support (evidenceand reasoniag),and, often, a concludiag sentence.

ytiltal.t*\- t ):rl:il :n'L:l1T:T:tk: *n"'me"ss1r,

Infrpduction: prescnr.rhe rhesi",which states rrecontroling idea-much rikerhe opicseotenceor a paragrapb ur on a largerscale,

Development:nrroduces vidence nd reasonins:rhesuoport.

Coo"t"tio"t..torr ,

ed in Retrationvetropnmentalaragraph

oe_fbS_t!e"is-

Figure.f

Thus, consideredstructurally,the essay ie

_gragh."Ihat doesnot mean that all paragralsays,can shrink to become parlgraphs. iunderstanding of the parallel berweenwelnized essayss useful.

As you learn how to write effectiveparagraphs_with strong topic sentences ndstrorg support-you also learn how-to organize in essay.you just expand the

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E. Explaration,detail, exampte

Final View

o a

ParagraphndEssay ompar

Paragraph \"f,f":\!qi>

.& E)elanation,detail, ex€mple

B. Erylanation,deran, example



-Wtftifrfihe Essay

ParaEraph:

cood King ElvisA rn€ssiah, a ester, a rccldess erk*or L

a soulful sinSer from the Deep Sourl.-

Elvis at different times to different people

Topic vras all these tlings. His fans mirror everusentencefacet of their idol "I liked him becauseof

his looks," says sue sca torough, forty-

$fiodEssay:

cood King Elvis

A messiah,a jester, a reckJesserk-or asoulful singer from the Deep Soutl-E1vis atdi{ferent imes to differentpeoplev/asall t}reserhings. His fanimirror everv acet of therr dol.

For Some ans tlle attraction s appearance,likedhimbecause ofhis looks,"saysSueScar-

borough, forq/-nine of Lexington, Kenhtcky, as

gives him an affectionate nudge in tlle ribs ] support

most attention are hosewhb actually met Elvis sentenceand have nformation abouthis basiccaqdness."I met him in 1960when was twelveyearsold,"says Billie Le Jeune of Memphis, who visitscracelandonceor twice amontl:.He askedmev/hat my favorite subject was.,'A few othe$have sroies equallycompelling.The crowd lis- | supponlens in aweand envy. ( u., cirrra'alr-eC?. dp.. lll

@--:d+:the&wrirers.6who um up t}e range of Elvis's conc)usioncljallieq. On the pink Eeldstone wall outsidecmceland,which foryearshas unctioned as anunauthorized bulletin board, the graffti runslile this: Err,lss ro\,T; DrDDRUcs rtH ttus: andmost cry?tic of all-Elrrs DIDN'TDlsERr,,Eo aE

lntroductiorl

sentence

Support

Support

nihe, of Lexington, Kentuclgr, as she waits sponse tells all "My husba;d's a good man at

with her husband to tour clacerand. "r"tt

l""lo#\ -1l:i,l-:l T:*hin' for bass,but no one'll

didn't put on air6,, saysJeff craff, twe11y,l+i'** \** l:1t::^Pictureon velvet "

to l o thers F lus wDc . L inour i ih r .^mm^nofclevelaDd,Ohio. Hewent out ofhis way touch and humanitarian instincts. ,,He didn,tto help people." l met hjm in 1960when I put on airs," says eff claff, twenty, of Cleveland,was twelve yeals old," saysBillie Le

Jeune \._Ohio. He went out of his way to help people."

ofMemphis, who viits cracelanclonce or tu];sicHis ftiend oods his head in agreemenL"Elvis

twice a month: "He askedme what my fa- goodness

vorite subjectwas." on tle pink feldqtone \

wall outside cracelanal, v;hich for yearc

has iunihiiniid ds-ari

unauthorized bu!

Ietin board, tle graf6ti runs like this: lLMs

rsLon€i DrDDRUcs rrHE\rs; and most cryp-

tic of a1l-E64s omr.dr'brsrnvr ro B! u/Hlr!,

u,

ttG* ("'^ @

iu' ho,.--f(; '' l

wHrr!. ,Dl -. -k'v ( L. t-

N'":l

\-i. filJryPh:,R"qr.ql.:.:t ,Al;/"ern'he ssayillb.'"in.a.ll:ryC_e+sl:teljdg,.' or rnesrs. I he tbesrs s ttte €g!g!.or conrroLling purpose."All rhe orher parts of

rheessaywiff-besubordiaat/to the thesis nd will srnno.t ir Acrrrirh ],. -"."-,"^t rt-

/ Like_9geelegrg)h:_thless-aymay alsoassume iffug4jett.gr.. It may be prin-.ip"lly

-qjg1gllIfgj9 narration,description,exposition,or argumenra-ii6-n.n. -i_-----------r-.-

L lt =l9tgl9_lg4jomqge.geg varying from paragraph to paragraphand even withio

The pnlg 3i!lg!g!gg rn con,gl between the topic sentenceand the thesis is one of

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:1: 11:ilnl**h,,1@,9 =er-sueccstbroadercope"d*#::j;;1,1:'rggg53j.g5_pg,r..1

conclusion.

. a d4e.g1g131ementf the thesis. backgrro:rLnd. definition of term(s) -. quotation(s).

_a hockingstatement,. quSsrionfu). a combination of fwo or more methodson this list

P".^ r"p!,,swffi sar.,**--ss

ffiA$e-rgraphsWittrria.r

heEssay*3H ,ao/ex€>""*hy' v v - - ,

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3;::t::"-::.1i":tglllh:*"1: discussedn.chapter , andbssegsc_.earasrad,,

lH .**'::lt,:liT^Tlhavingsrmprestr'uG;;"i,ffiffiii#"iie-sloa-ssEays,ewill focuso*

"l"rrtiori "" n;-,- ]ol;;;;ffi;

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Inlroductiofls



so--''

dlufu6**w"iffiidth" "",y

Ti,eatent

odilnitiom:'

Here's a recipe.Take fwo thousand pounds ofplastic, rubbeg and steel,pour in ten gallonsof gas,and start the engine,Then take one human beingof two hundred pounds of flesh, blood, and bones,pour in rwo glasses fbeer n one hour, and put him or her behind the wheel. Mix the rwo ro-getherjand the result maybe a drunken {river ready to causedeath and de-srrucrioo. his problemof drunk driuinglcan nd shouldbe conrrolledbvfederal egislarion ir h srronnotouiriont.

0uotatlon:

The National Highway Traffic SafetyAdrnidstration has stated that 50percent of all fatal accidents iavolve intoxicated drivers an d that ,,7i pe-rcent of thosedrivershavea Blood Alcohol Content of .10 percentdrgreater."That kind of inJormation s widely known, yer rle carnageon the'highways.continues. his qleblslo o{drrlaktlrjvihgFhguld be addressed v

' a federal aw wirh sricr ptonisiols. :t+ '

Shocking tateflnenind0uest!ons:

Almost 60,000 Americanswere killed in the Memam War. What otherwar kills more than that number evegyour years? Give up?It's the warwich drurk drivers.The rdar n Viemam endedab6ut tbree decades go,but-our DflI war goeson, andthe drunls are winni,ng.This deadlvconflictshouldbe conrrolled y a Iederallawwith strongprovisions.

0uestionsnd 0efinitIon:

Vhat i! a drunk driver?In Califomia ii,s a personwith a blood alcoholcontent of .08 percentor more who is operating a motor vehicle. X/hatdothose drivers do? Someof them kill. Everyyear more than 16,000 peoplenationwide die. Those'areeasyquestions.The diffcult ole is, What can bedone?One answer s clear: Drunk driversshould brj onirolled bv federgllaws with strongltovisions,

than three,be c.rtrin th"t it ciiiifiiileysll you . fur,,i1"y. If it ls Iong., than fi.r., be

make your essay op-heavy,

eipdd onldeas.lThat function isand complicated iritrodluction may

', Subject

Tieatment

(

I

Subject

Treatrfrnt

Subject

q ' t ' . l , , *ah ;

c

All rhesentroductorymethods r&;6;;+ome others, owever. re neffectivebecause.theyre rog13ggg.'1gg151$61Edor becauseheycEEy.1fts-lbsglgj!_a

ry444at wa,f6he mechanicalpproachmaybedirectand explicit,but t usuallynumbs hereader'smagination nd nterest.

y is to write about the need or sttong,na-k driving. ' r

about the need or strong national laws

The length of an introduction can vary,but the typical lerrgihrfor he introductoryparagraph of a studentessays three o five senr"-.es, f your introduction is shorter

certain that it only introduces

reservedor the developmental

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Writing an Introduction

!,e_lee!me f he ollowlnghesesalleringta bit osuityourotvlr

an0,0n$eparaleaper, r,te t easthreeniroduclio;sor t.merfioo0rea0h ge, lnderlinehe hesisneaclr arafrfaph,ndand reatrnentarl-s_

1, Marriages come n different shapesand sizes.

ideas,fyou ike)using differentlahelhe ubieal

2. Careerchoicesare greatly nlluenced by a person,sbackground.

3. Friendship is just one word, but friends are of different kinds.

4. The spirit of sportshas beencorrupted by money.

5. Sexualharassmentat work often goesunreported or practical reasons.

Mariaampos,l biwrciwiihBeasons' ,-

,

Notunanousins,i,Vhoi(Jled'Benhyaret?"

CarJ ingLs,ConservinqnerovasYouSki"

Lgraphor sentencehat is a loeical oart of the bodv of

l'lsiq+ryif-tffi r,-"." .tn n"Gtto,"ig"o!]gggd This form is more cornmon in the publishee

isaf

One da y he hi r me .He saidhe-was orryan d even ried,but I couldno rforgive him. Ve got a divorce. tEook me a while l.to." i.o"ta fo"t 1".t"and seewhat the causes eally were, but by then it was too i"i" ,o rn"t

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any changes,

. corctude,,h" ..*"*..n,of-l.r-,h",,"nlIfilil..n]It7o?hfi /.!,.pointing out irs signfficance r makilggpplj.cations.

Don't blame t on the referee.Don,t evenblame t on the fight managers.Put the blamewhere it belongs_on the prevailing more, ti"t"r.g".a prir"fighting as aperfectly proper enterprise and vehicle of entertainment. Noone doubts_thatmany people en;.oy rize fighting and will J"" ,t if itshould be rhrown out. Ard that is precisely he ioint. r

Your concluding

re*.i"o .ff'vpld,ffii*ludingpara-

\) . Conclude witl a review of tE

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a k ind ofrhrssapproprta(el$\[email protected]"^,By.!"; ";;:Fff# "As e aveeenaderr..";;,;,;;?;R:#'tr".;Wi&H+

'ergywe conserveow,hemorewe,llhave or the uture.

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i hato*true for skiing. So take the Soft path of energyconsewatio"".

y;:ki.You'll not only be able to make longer nonstop runs, but you,ll havemoreenergy o buin on the dance loor



Briah\4axwell,LeavlngosAngeles"

had first experienced he conglomerationof things that now assailedmysenses. his jumbled mixture of things both human and nonhuman was, urfact, the reason had come o live here. Then it was different and excirins,

Now it is the reason am leavine.

Fifty percentof all fatakraffic accidents nvolve intoxicated drivers, ac-cording to the National Highway Tra{fic Sa{eryAdministratioa. Cavenaugh

and Associates, esearchspecialists, ay that drurk driverskilled 83,824people n the five-yearperiod from 1993 through 1999. They go on to saythat irtoxicated drivers cost us somewherebetween$11 and $24 billionerch year.It is time to give dlurk drivers a message: Stay off the road.You are costing us pain, injury and death,and no one has he right to dothat."

baniel umphries,Get hem fitheRoad"

Therear ealso- any neffeirivewaysof concluding n essanlDo or conclude it hthe ollowrns:

e a summary when a su.gunary surmecessarv

The conclusion s an integral part o{ the and is often of the in-troducti

work for a roundness r completenessn the

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Ail Stages of tlee Wa'itim.g rocess

Let's seenow how one student wrote an essayby working her way through all thestagesof the writing process.

Our student writer, Leah, is an ing4gg_43.,1Q4!!fogqiajrison where, for severalyears,shewas enrolled n a smaTfl6ffiat collegeprogram. In her English class,herassignmentwas to write a personal essayof 500 to 800 words. Her instmctor sug-gestedshe concentrate on a recent developmenr or event at the prison that had

1 changedher life, for better br worse.

Severalopics interestedher, Therewas the problem of overcrowding:She ived inan institution built for 900 imates, and ,h;;;Fil;;;;;d.00. She alsoconsiderededucation.After spendingsome ime in routine prison work and aim_lessactivities, she discoveredschool and {ound it highly satisfying.Then there were theaccomplishmentsof her Natiye-American friends at the prison. After yearsof argu-ing their case, they had finally obtained permission frbm the institution to build asweat odge for religiouspurposes,and t was now in operation. That was a subjectsheknew well, and t was one for which sheheid the most enthusiasm.Shewas readyto proceed,knowing that the writing processwould provide her with strategiesandgiveher direction.



StudentDemonsbationfA11 t"g." oft*eeffiffi*$-".*-,Bg

WritingProcess orksheetTi e Pnson SweatLodge

6!gmg Leah h..- h-r- Trr6-. i^.. Ah;r r r ^!. - --

In he paceelow,rite hateverouneedoknow boutou r ssignment,ncludinginformationbouthe opic, udience,afiernfwriting,ength,hetnero ncluderough raft r evisedrafts,ndwhetherou r aper us t e yped.

ExploreFreewrite,rainstormlist), luster,r ake olessdirectedyyournsrruc_lor.Useheback f his age rseparateaperfyou eed ore pace.

E@" First eah tartedreewrit ing,hichenableder b probe ermemory ndseewhichas _pects f thesubjectmost nteresteder.Shewrotewithout topping,etting er deasum _ble orth na rich reeassociationn hesubject f

.sweailodge.,,

have used it once a week for most of the last year.When I am neruous and when

about Indian ways and we all leam fiom what we do.l'4rat else s tlere to srv T

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Have sweat lodge now

'Ceremony important



90. $ha$erS!,WrlCiii the Essay

r. i.

could go on and on. That is what I have to say. love the sweat lodge which we

call t}Ie sweats. think it is the most important thing in my life now. I used to be

bitter toward the prison for denying me my rights, but now I am even alpcaegwith them-most of i}Ie time. I remember when we were Uying to get approval

and. . . l par t ia l l

. Leahontinuedithhe ubjectf he risonweatodge,nd er opicightenedo o-cus nparticularreas.lthoughhe ould aveistedhe nnotationsndhewordsheunderlinednherreewriting,he eganithhe ig ix uestionsorherramework.

American Indian inmates and otfters

sweat odge-how it was started-&re politics-

the ieremonies

California lnstitution for Women-o ff th e ya d

1989, efore, after, Iong time in planning and buiiding

spiritual, physical, self-esteem,educationalnraneretinn ctanc

. Leahhen roceededowritehree sefulists asednher nswerso he uestions."

,l

Who?wnari

wnerea

wneni

why?llow?

Sweqt odge

Problems n

building it

Reasons

FaimessWho helped

fime to build

Preparation

Blankets

Rocks

Firel,l/ater

Tobaccoand

sweet gTass

Sweating

Passingpipe

Tearing down

Result

Relaxed

Spiritually clean

Peaceful

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StudentDemonstiationfA1lst g." of.ttadffiffi^r"**9f

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organizeWrite opic entencer hesis;abelhe ubjectndhe reatmentarts.

I want to expiain how we use sweatsand why.

Using the prison sweat lodge iDvolvesspecificpractices hat contribute tomy well-being,

. I want to discuss the p4go4+pep adge, what_we do in t}Ie prep_suDJect

aration pgbd, what we do when we_re_Egldg[oL&qqcreqqpy,

and what we do afterwards



ga*4ffinr.o-*urmn*g tn r.""y

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" He rhird ttemptatisfieder, nd he tatementecameer hesis.aterhewouldrewordt.

Write noutlineranoutlinelternative.

. Leah'sex task aso organizeermaterial.lthoughhemight ave sedhepart

qfher luster arkedy hedottedines,he hoseheoutljneorm.The utlinehowshe olationshipf deas,uggestsayso divideheessayccording

to Leah'Shesis,nd ndicatesupport.he ivisionsrePieparation,eremony,ndCer-emonyompletionnd ite estoration.hosetems re eah'somanumeraleadings.

I. Preparation

A. Iastrng

1. Duration

. 2. On ly water'

B. Heat rdcks

1. Thirty to fifty

. 2. Build fire' C. Set up lodge

1. Permission from sponsor

2. Cover fTamework

II. Ceremo.ny

A. Movement

1. coing and coming

2. Passingsacred objects

B. Establishing attitude

C. Sweating

D. Praying and singing

E. Purification rites

1. Tobacco ies

2, Sage

? Suraar dre<

III. Ceremony completion and site restoration

A. Personal

1. Water down

2. Eat and drink

3. change

B. Site

1. Remove and store blankets

2. Move rocks

Write 0nseparateaper,rite ndheneviseour aragraphressaysmanyimesasnecessaryorcoherence,anguageusage,one, nd iction),nity,mphasis,up-port, nd entencesCLUESS).eadour ork l0udohear nd orrectny ammat-ical rrors rawkward-soundingentences.

Edit ny r0blemsn uhdamentals,uch scapitalization,missions,unctuation,ndspellingC0PS).

. Theollowingsanearlyrafthat howseah'sevisionrocess.he raft lsoncludessome ditingCOPS).

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cohe.anceI

studentDemonstrarionf All St"g"sofi,1,fffiffiffis$.--**5

RazorWire Sweat LodgeMy tribe ie iv/enLy-ohe.epresefired atv,/a\r5I-eE-aPomo ndia+, one Sb€ ofraiiy+erb on the prison grounas. fra#fi5a-

anaesior9 ihtemendous interest in my A*€estry and their customs, and the cultures of a l

I ?,ew.ire

Indian tribes. The sacredsweat ceremonies, ,ve found to be one of tJ:emost __]culttrtalpracliaes aithar

interesting. Many women of all raceshere in the facility have also taken--l

ol,hetberefn; | -

interest and found #G-"atfti" tfr"*selves from participating in the sweats

I want to discuss }Ie prison sweat odge,what we do in the preparation period,

what we do when we,re inside for t}Ie ceremony,and what we do afterwards,ih our prtson acltty

IThe ust step o sweating^ishe prepaiationperiod.Before nyone answeat

I ooncenuf_there are many requirements i+ wliat we wear,/h€*,+r€-are-ips€R++e+eeF€ad

and ho- we acf.ofwenty-fourhours before the

^ ?ait)a)pante ehou)adrihk an\/sweat^we-ast.VJe-€an-€+IFd+i+* water orjuices, but if someone has health prob_

1"*" *" -ill"*..,"u

th"*. fh" t",r"' ,ocrc f,aue Jiff*," nre approximately rh ej)c. *-*

hours before we start sweating.The fire has to be builtjust right in a little housewe pLt.

shape.PutE*g all the rocks in the middie with the wood standing like a teepee

around them; then the paper^stuffedbetween and around the wood. Once there,s

a good fire goingthen we ste* tend to the sweat odge tself. Becausewe have no

_tarp to put on the sweat lodge, the state has provided us with pienty of blankets.

The biankets have to cover the #at lodge fuUy.We put at least three layers of

blankets on the sweat lodge.We make sure we leave about eight inches ofbian_

ket around the bottom of the sweat odge. d&ffd this time, some women have

started making their tobacco ties. These ies are used for p*ffi** Or"y", on.

We + €++€ make sure the sponsor s somewhereby the sweat lodge at all times.A5 for

,AJs€€b€r*+he rock^we use thirw to fifty of them.itdepends on their size and

how many women are sweating t}Iat day.Then the women are told to chanee nto

only muu muu^; he state provides them also.Then we,re read'to go nside.The

preparation period is very important^eed weryone looks forward to it being over

Onceeveryone s inside the sweat odge, here are certain things $L must do.

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canaud all

+h€-+€t-*e-e*+eFisfrst we enter counterclockwise and inside we *ei€t€i+

pai,e ofthe aercnany eaahot

e+e#i+Fn*de counterclockwise. There are four rounds in the sweat trhich. ' } .

shonb

last about twenty to thirty minutes ea€h.We sEess lat no one break our circle

.amelir)e. haooen6.

inside the sweat lodge, but it isgeqsibii some women can't handle t}Ie heat in-a o !

side^wenever make t}lem stay.The praying and singing is in the Sioux language

ourselves with humiii ty during the whole sweat,

When the sweat s over^weenter the final phase.We come out and throw our

t a h

tobacco ties in^the fire pit. The €Fst-+h!+gure d€-is hose ourselves down with

plenty of cold water. The refreshments are opened and someone goesafter food.

Once we've eaten and changed our clotles we start taking dov/n the sweat.The

blankets have to be taken offthe same way they were put on and folded up te€d.

The leftover wood has to be put away and €e+€{S the blankets and the wood

r11u5reaaverea, lawe-F+t$eiF-€€+e+€=Any garbage that's been left around is t}Irown in-the Dump-

ster. Ttten $re lock the gate and bid our farewells until the next

sweat lodge is a custom of most+€ll Indian uibes, Certain Indian tribes go

fron

about it differendy t$a* otherslut once they're all inside everyone eels ofone

whole being. A11 hree steps 've gone hrough are helpfuI for a successfulsweat

ceremony. Men;reEr+s-metmbe*s ook forward to these ceremonies €+eqF+e€k.

They help us copebetter with the prison system.

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beiause our outside sponsor s Sioux. Not everyone has to sing or pray.Jt's up to

I the in|lvidual. she rêfit:ano a her retallveg

eal.o.|

+hê*As someone finishes a prayer th€rF€€tje+al ^l+€+-r€l+ti€Es/pen the next

person prays,Beforeaay€+ffver1 enter/ the sweat+ey have to make sure they

'hiive peaceand.bood eelings with all other members.The tobacco ies hang over

. our heads n the sweat or around our necks.@i)we,take in sagewitl us and

,pu'iF.a1't'n-<<1

smudge ourselveswith it After each round, new hot rocks are brought in. As

, - d wra'vetb'ense)' these rocks are place in the fire^sweetgrass s put on them. lJl we do inside the

t -

sweat odge s not only for ourselvelbulHtln, pr"y"rr^rorothers.we maintain

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it's all over^yerleally feel a-se+:re-ef refresh+e€e cleanând peaceful.



Student Demonstration ofAll Stageso

@E@RazorWire SweatLodge

Leah

sweat activity,

Beforewe sweat.we must prepare ourselvesand the facility. For twenty_fourhours before tl-resweat,we fast. We do aot eat anything and drink only water oi

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My Indian tribe is pomo, one of twenty-one representedat this prison. I havealways had tremendous interest in my ancestorsand their customs, and in tl:!ecultures of all Indian"tribes.The sacredsweat ceremony tselfis at t}Ie center ofmy life. Here at prison it has taken on a specialmeaning. In fact, many women ofother raceshere have also found peacewithin tlemselves as a result ofpadici_pating w'ith me and other Native Arnericans in the sweats.EachSatuiday wehesis

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to cover the lodge fully, dEping it with about three layersand leaving an openrngto the east. inally we are ready to go nside.The preparation period is very im_podant, but everyone ooks forward to its being over

From this pqigL@tLlf,rough he ceremony.everything must be done accordingto mles. First we enter counterclockwise,and once nside we conduct all parts ofthe ceremony counterdockwise. There are four rounds in the sweat, each ofwhich lasts about twenty to thirty minutes. We stress lat no one should breakour circle inside the sweat odge,but it sometimes happens. Somewomen can,thandlethe steam and the heat, so we never make t}tem stay.Thosewho do stayare free to participate in the singing and pmying or not. The four rounds are sim!

otJrerperson follows. As sweet grassbums outside on the fire, we sit in the hotsteam and rub sage eaveson our bodies for purification. We maintain ourselveswith humility during the whole event.

. \[+ren the sweat is over we enter the frnal phese.We come out and throw ourtobacco ies into the fire pit, and the smoke takes our pnyers to the sky.Then wehose ourselvesdown vfitll plenty of cold water and open ttre refreshments webrought. Once we've eaten and changedour clothes,we start dismantlins the

sweal The blankets have to be taken off t}Ie same way they were put up ind tlenfolded carefully.The leftover wood has to be put away,and the blankets andwood must be coveredrAny garbage hat's been left around is thrown into theDumpster.Then we lock the gate to our facility and bid farewell.

Using a sweat lodge is a custom of most Indian tribes. CefrainIndian tribes goabout it differently from others, but in here when we are together n the iodge,we feel like one whole being. Eachweek we look forward to this ceremonv It

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helps us cope better with tlle prison system.After it's over,we feel physically re-

freshed, clean, and peaceful.

Completing a Wr{ting ProcessWorksheet

Selectne f he 0llowiflEh@sesalteFingt if you ike, ven V akinghe0pposite

positlon)nd ornpleteWriting rocess orksheett Neasthroughtage wo .

(Photocopyheblankorm npage .)

1, The date fmarriage,class,game, ob] was a disaster success].

2. I will never forget my 6rst encounter with racial prejudice [cruelry to animals,

inhumanity].

3. The kind of music I lis ten to reflects he kind of person would like to be.

4. A preoccupationwith a singleactivity or concemthrows life out of balance.

5. The importance of studentgovernment s often overlooked'

5. A death'in the family can teach a'persona greatdeal about life.

7,_The

way a person drivesrevealshis or her personality.

8. The way I drive dependson my mood.

9. The way I keepmy room [car,house,yard, desk] s a reflection of the way I think

[regard ife].

10. One of my most embarrassingmoments has become, l letrospect, only a hu-

morous recollection.

Wri'ter's GuideXitres

1, The essay s a group of paragraphs,eachwith the function of stating or suPPort-

ing a controlling idea called he thesis.

. The main parts of an essayare the introduction, development,and conclusion.

. The essaycan be considered an arnpliication of a developmentalparagraph.

2. The introduction contains the thesis within a context of comments hat give an

adequateperspectiveon the topic. There are many good introductory methods,

which include presentinga direct statementof the thesis , background, definition

of term(s), quotation(s), a shocking statement,question(s)rand a combination of

two or more of thesemethods.

3. The conclusionmakesa final comment on the developmentof your thesis. f you

do not know how to conclude, ereadyour introduction for ideas.

4. You can depend on the tbreestagesof the writing process o help you write para-

graphs and essays. the first stage,you are encouragedo explore relevant deas

and perhapsgeneratea topic sentenceor thesis. n the second stage)you move

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B. IJ'Tianation;detail, exampl€

Supporr

exercitii english

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