invatand despre putere cu parintii si adolescentii.pdf

7/21/2019 invatand despre putere cu parintii si adolescentii.pdf

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www.posdis.org(non-profit organization answering questionsfor teachers and parents; training and support)

www.positivediscipline.com(ordering books and trainingmaterials; to contact Jane Nelsen)

[email protected] L. Hughes Family Life Field Specialist(Marys Iowa State University Extension e-mail;

phone #: 712-366-7070; website www.extension.iastate.edu/families/)

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DDeessccrriippttiioonnooffSSeessssiioonn::June 18, 2005 Saturday: 10:15-11:05 am

Through interactive, experiential activities that teach the heart as well as themind, participants will better understand the developmental reasons why

power struggles so quickly arise between parents/teens. Ways to empowerthe parent and the teen will be experienced, explored, and discussed. Youwill leave with new teaching tools for your parents-of-teens sessions.

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Participants will learn how:

1. the typical adult response to youth who seek belonging and connectionthrough power struggles only heightens the misbehavior and distorts theparent/teen relationship.

2. adults (parents and other adults who work with teens) can empowerthemselves AND the teens without power struggles; and , moreimportantly, without losing authority.

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Warm-up Act i v i t y :The Fist (Teaching Parenting Facilitators Guide, warm-up suggestions, pg.37, #2

Experi ent i al Exer cises:

Whos Got the P-O-W-E-R!Empowering vs. Enabling (See note on Pg. Of this packet

Closing Act iv i t y:

No Training Wheels Needed? (TP Facilitators Guide, pg. 79 Continuum of Change)Yurt (contact the Hughes or purchase an audio tape of the session/NASAP 2005, Tuscan)

Suppor t Handout s ( in Acrobat Reader):Problem-Solving with shared power: Pgs. 119-132, Working Draft of Positive DisciplineParenting Workbook, Jody McVittie and Barbara Kinney. Used with permission of authors for this2005 NASAP Conference. To reprint, permission needs to be given from Jody or Barbara @

[email protected] [email protected]

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Teen Power Demonstration Whos Got the Power?f rom wat ching a Lynn Lot t Video

1. Ask for a volunteer to play a teen (or any age child).

2. Hold out a pen and say to the teen, "This pen represents your power. Do you want it?"

3. When the teen starts to take the pen pull it back and say, "I don't know. Do you thinkyou are ready?"

4. Whatever the teen says, start to give him or her pen, but then pull it back again and say,"But, what if you make a mistake?"

5. Continue this back and for saying things like, "I'm not sure I can trust you?" "I don't know.Remember that really stupid thing you did last time?" "Even if I trust you, I'm not sure I cantrust your friends." Etc.

Optional: Sometimes, after step 5, I let the "teen" volunteer have the "power" for a fewseconds and then I take it back and say: "That's enough for now." It usually brings up aninteresting reaction, and later insights, from the "teen" volunteer.

6. Once you think the point has been made process with the teen by asking what are youfeeling, thinking, deciding about yourself and what you will do? Process the same way withthe parent.

7. Ask the group what insights they had from watching this demonstration.

Process Questions for this activity might include:

If you don't "give" power to your teens, how to they "take" it - openly or by going"underground"?

How well will your children be prepared to use their personal power when they leave homeand you have no more control?

From: CPDA TRAINING MANUALwww.posdis.org1 - 866 -POS - DISCSection 8.5.32 June 2003 Contributed by Jane NelsenFor permission to reprint, please contact Mary L. Hughes, CPDA/Lead Trainer @[email protected]

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* Sample Empowering Responses__________________________________________________________A chi ld who has not done his/her homework is ro le played th is person goes fi rs t to 4-5parents who enable the child to continue misbehaving, though that is not the parents actualintention (these responses need no script as this is a very common reaction to a child whodoesnt do homework); then, the child visits parents who have been to a parenting class andhave learned how to empower their child. The following s tatements are designed to teach theparent through a role play demonstration the difference for both parents/children whenparents empower their children to feel capable and competent enough to get the job done!

__________________________________________________________The directions for doing this activity are in the Teaching Parenting the Positive DisciplineWay Facili tators Guide, pg. 236-7 and Positive Discipline in the Classroom TeachersGuide, pg. 70-71 by Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott, available for purchase @ our website atwww.positivediscipline.comFor more information on training, speakers, and the on-lineQuestion/Answer service, please visi t www.posdis.org

The Child says I havent done my homework. The Parent responds:

1. SHOWING FAITH:I have faith in you. I trust you to figure out what youneed. I know that when its important to you, youll know what to do.

2. RESPECTING PRIVACY: I respect your privacy and want you to knowIm available if you want to discuss this with me.

3. EXPRESSING YOUR LIMITS:Im not willing to bail you out with yourteacher. If your teacher wants more information, the three of us can get

together to discuss the situation. Ill be there while you explain. (Arespectful attitude and tone of voice is essential.)

4. LISTEN WITHOUT FIXING OR JUDGING: I would like to listen to whatthis means for you.

5. CONTROLLING YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR:If you need my help withyour homework, please let me know in advance

6. LETTING GO OF THEIR ISSUES: I hope youll go to college, but Imnot sure its important to you.

7. AGREEMENT (NOT RULES): Could we sit down and see if we canwork on a plan regarding homework that we both can live with?

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8. LOVING AND ENCOURAGING: I like you just the way you are andrespect you to choose what is right for you.

9. ASKING FOR HELP:I need your help. Can you explain to me why itisnt important to you to do your homework?

10. SHARE YOUR FEELINGS:Share your truth by using a statement suchas this: I feel ________about/when __________ because _________ andI wish ________. Share, without expecting the other person to feel thesame or grant your wish. (This is a great model for children toacknowledge their feelings and wishes without expectations.) I feelupset whenyou dont do your homework because I value education somuch and think it could be very beneficial to you in your life, and I reallywishyou would do it.

11. JOINT PROBLEM SOLVING: What is your picture of what is going onregarding your homework? Would you be willing to hear my concerns?Could we brainstorm together on possible solutions? What is your plan?is also a way to express your curiosity about how the child will take care ofthe problem.

12. RESPECTFUL COMMUNICATION: Im feeling too upset to talk aboutthis right now. Lets put it on the agenda for the family meeting so we cantalk about it when Im not so emotional.

13. INFORMATION (INSTEAD OF ORDERS): I notice you spend a lot oftime looking out the window and talking during the time you have set asidefor homework or I notice you often leave your homework until the lastminute and then feel discouraged about getting it done.

_________________________________________________________________________________Note: These empowering statements and actions may not seem as powerful as they are toteachers or parents who are more used to the short-range outcomes of controll ing, rescuingor abandoning. These statements and action turn over control to our youth so they havepower over their own lives. The difficult part of this for adults is that empowerment oftenleads to mistakes and failure on the part of the youth. It is only when we understand thatlearning f rom mistakes and failure is an important part of a successful li fe process that we willalso understand the importance of using these empowering s tatements and actions.

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invatand despre putere cu parintii si adolescentii.pdf

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