8/9/2019 relatii armonioase

1/4

Unless and until you access the consciousness frequency of presence, allrelationships, and particularly intimate relationships, are deeply awed andultimately dysfunctional. They may seem perfect for a while, such as when you are"in love," but invariably that apparent perfection gets disrupted as arguments,con icts, dissatisfaction, and emotional or even physical violence occur with

increasing frequency. It seems that most "love relationships" become love/haterelationships before long. ove can then turn into savage attac!, feelings ofhostility, or complete withdrawal of a ection at the ic! of a switch. This isconsidered normal. The relationship then oscillates for a while, a few months or afew years, between the polarities of "love" and hate, and it gives you as muchpleasure as it gives you pain. It is not uncommon for couples to become addicted tothose cycles. Their drama ma!es them feel alive. #hen a balance between thepositive/negative polarities is lost and the negative, destructive cycles occur withincreasing frequency and intensity, which tends to happen sooner or later, then itwill not be long before the relationship $nally collapses.

It may appear that if you could only eliminate the negative or destructive cycles,then all would be well and the relationship would ower beautifully % but alas, thisis not possible. The polarities are mutually interdependent. &ou cannot have onewithout the other. The positive already contains within itself the as yetunmanifested negative. 'oth are in fact di erent aspects of the same dysfunction.

(( I am spea!ing here of what is commonly called romantic relationships, not of truelove, which has no opposite because it arises from beyond the mind. ove as acontinuous state is as yet very rare, as rare as conscious human beings. ((

'rief and elusive glimpses of love, however, are possible whenever there is a gap inthe stream of mind.

The negative side of a relationship is, of course, more easily recogni)able asdysfunctional than the positive one. *nd it is also easier to recogni)e the source ofnegativity in your partner than to see it in yourself. It can manifest in many forms+possessiveness, ealousy, control, withdrawal and unspo!en resentment, the needto be right, insensitivity and self(absorption, emotional demands and manipulation,the urge to argue, critici)e, udge, blame, or attac!, anger, unconscious revenge forpast pain in icted by a parent, rage and physical violence.

-ome people ust want you for your silence . . because of the noise in them, but toen oy and feel that silence, to e perience it, they need to be silence themselves . .same with love the rest is relating and the space that breathe inside yourself foryour partner, allowing the love to be, to emmanate iTs fragrance.

"0eal love is only what you give," writes 1ate 1errigan in her brilliant novel, 0ecipesfor a 2erfect 3arriage. In our me(centered culture that promotes the highlydysfunctional myth that love is a feeling your partner ignites in you 4he ma!es mefeel alive5 she ma!es me feel whole6, it7s easy to fall into the thin!ing trap that if

8/9/2019 relatii armonioase

2/4

you7re not feeling enough 8 enough love, enough attraction, enough desire 8 theremust be something wrong with the relationship.

&et the parado and well(!ept secret is that it7s in giving that you ignite the feelings. &our partner can7t ma!e you feel alive5 aliveness is a quality that you cultivate bylearning to attend closely to your inner world. &our partner can7t ma!e you feelwhole5 wholeness arises when you devote yourself to a daily practice, li!e yoga,meditation, or ournaling, which helps you to connect to your intrinsic wholeness.

#hen you give to your partner from the seat of your own alive wholeness, abeautiful relationship unfolds between you. In other words, giving to get love orvalidation or as a way to $ll yourself up doesn7t wor!, but when you can give fromthe $lled(up place inside of you without condition or e pectation, your relationshipwill transform.

9ow do you give in ways that ma!es your partner feel truly and deeply loved:

;. earn your partner7s love language

8/9/2019 relatii armonioase

3/4

?uality time

rmingcomments.

A. Initiate loving reunions

0eunions, simply de$ned, are times when you come bac! together after being awayfrom each other. #e generally thin! of reunions as occurring after long absences,li!e when one of you has traveled, but we also reunite $rst thing in the morningafter sleep and at the end of the day following wor!. #e even reunite when weBvebeen in our separate spaces within the same house for several hours and thencome bac! together again.

#hen you initiate a loving reunion 8 whether by greeting your partner with a warmsmile and a hug $rst thing in the morning or ma!ing it a point to meet her at thedoor when she returns home from wor! at the end of the day 8 you send a clearmessage to your partner that youBre available and you grow the love between youthrough positive action. *nd initiating a loving reunion through your partner7s lovelanguage will enhance the love even more.

C. et go of the need to be right

*s! yourself this question+ Is it more important to be right or to be loving: 3anyarguments are rooted in each partner7s bull(headed need to be right, even aboutthe most trivial topics. &ou7re driving to a restaurant and your partner turns rightwhen you thought the faster route would have been to turn left. Do you say

8/9/2019 relatii armonioase

4/4

something: Is it really that important: Er do you breathe into your need to be rightand choose to let it go:

"Don7t sweat the small stu " means being willing to let go of the need to be rightabout the small stu . &ou have a di erence of opinion5 let it go. &ou remember anevent di erently5 let it go. *s soon as you feel that tightness inside that indicatesthe need to be right or control, ma!e a conscious choice to )ip the lip and let it go.

&our partner will feel the di erence and your active silence will cultivate a lovinggarden in which your relationship can blossom.